Convicted

Lately, I have all of a sudden heard all kinds of talk about Frances Chan. I had never heard of him before but he has become a huge name in Christian circles lately and I have seen or heard something about him at least once a week for the last while. A good blogging friend mentioned that she had been listening to his podcasts and was finding them to be really inspiring. I decided that, while I am up nursing in the night, it would be a good use of my time to do some listening rather than watching the junk t.v. that has invaded my life (I am ashamed to admit that I have become addicted to "Say Yes to the Dress" on TLC and "Chefs: Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is" on BBC Canada). While I downloaded some the the podcasts from Cornerstone Church, Simi, which are available here, I decided to begin with a two episode broadcast on Focus on the Family that came from their Focus on Marriage simulcast recently, which is available here.

Wow. I was totally blown away. I was raised in a background that put a huge focus on the social message of the gospels - caring for others and the idea of "being God's hands" on the earth. Lately, I have been feeling like I am a bit too comfortable - while we aren't rich by any stretch and many of those around us have more than we do, compared to those elsewhere and many in our environment, we are completely and totally spoilt. We have become complacent and totally wrapped up in the material world around us. Yes, it is more focused on our children than on ourselves but that doesn't make it right.

One thing that Francis Chan said that really hit me was when he used the analogy of playing a game of "follow the leader", in which the idea is to be like the person who is the leader. He said that we need to be like that with Jesus - instead of memorizing what he had to say and not acting on it, we need to BE like Jesus and do the things that he did. Can I honestly say that I step out at all to reach out to people who are not convenient to help? Do I allow myself to be made uncomfortable? If I am honest, no, I don't. I might pass things on to people around me and make the odd donation to charities but do I make any significant sacrifices to reach out to others? When I stand in front of God and have to account for my life, will I be able to honestly say that I lived out my faith? As Francis Chan said, when you tell your teenage child to clean his room, do you want him to come to you and tell you that he memorized what you said and can even repeat it in the original ancient Greek or do you want him to clean the room?

I am not saying that I am going to change everything and honestly, I am not sure where to start but I do feel like this message really hit me and was something that I needed to hear. Wouldn't Christianity be in a much better place in the world if we all seriously tried to be like Jesus, instead of just being able to quote what he said?

I am going to reflect on this and try and look for ways to help. I remember reading a blog, I can't remember where, in which the author suggested trying to find an act of kindness to do each day, however small. That might be a good place for me to start. I would love to read any suggestions you might have.

A Spiritual Journal

I have always been a journal writer. It started when I was four and my mom and I did a journal at the end of each day. The entries were short, usually one sentence that I dictated about my day and then I drew a picture (something I would like to start with Pk soon). I still have a couple of the journals that we did together when I was little and they are so much fun to go back and read.

There isn't a whole lot of time to journal these days (and in some ways, I feel a bit like my blog is an online journal) and when I do write, it tends to be more of a place to vent my frustrations that anything else. My journals certainly aren't something that I would want someone else to read and, to be honest, if I die, if you can, find them for me and burn them because they probably don't show me at my best. Yes, they do contain my deepest thoughts - my insecurities and my struggles and my travels to great self-discovery but they also contain my whining, my self-pity and my frustration. I wouldn't want that to be the way that I am seen.

One blog that I really enjoy reading is A Holy Experience, which is written by Ann Voskamp. Her blog is visually beautiful and poignantly reflective. It's a hard blog for me to read because it is one that needs to be savoured as opposed to scanned and I am so rarely in that kind of place these days but often, I star her posts with the intention of going back to them later. She inspires me so much in terms of being aware -as a Christian and as a human being inhabiting this beautiful world. Looking at her followers list tells you how highly other women feel about her and what she has to say.

One theme throughout her blog is journaling and she has written some wonderful posts about different kinds of journaling - a homemaking journal, a travel journal, visual journals and, most relevant to me, a spiritual journal. I am not reflective enough as a Christian. I tend to speed though everything and finding time and the emotion energy to be quiet and think is not something that I am good at. I often regret that I don't find more time in quiet pursuits because I think that I miss hearing God and feeling God's breath in my life because I am too busy running by. Ann has a wonderful series on journaling as spiritual discipline and at the end of one of the posts, she gives an excellent book list of resources to help beginning to keep a spiritual journal.

The book above, A Pen and A Path: Writing as Spiritual Practice by Sarah Stockton, is one of the books on Ann's list and I bought it for myself several months ago. It sat and sat on my desk and I didn't do anything with it and then last week, during a day that I was nursing Baby Bean non-stop, I decided to browse through it. Quickly, I became inspired and I have begun trying to work through it. Finding the time to write is really difficult right now and finding quiet writing time, when I don't have a preschooler asking constant questions, the t.v. or music on in the background and a baby in the swing beside me is all but impossible so I am trying to make the best of it. Even with the distractions, I am finding this to be a wonderful process. I read the chapter, reflect on it for about 24 hours or so and then begin the writing theme for that section. It's wonderful. I have learned so much about myself already in terms of how I perceive myself as a follower of God and the kinds of things that make me feel closer to God. It's wonderful. I hope to read several of the other books on her list and I hope that spiritual journaling is something that I can continue to do as a way of building my faith.

Enjoy a wonderful Sunday!

Sleepless in...

There are people out there who have babies who sleep. Babies who sleep through the night from the first week home from the hospital. Babies who nap all the time, who have 3 and 4 hour naps several times a day. Babies who quickly settle into a wonderful sleep routine and who will sleep anywhere. I don't have those kinds of babies.

With Pk, it was awful. She would cry and cry... it was nearly impossible to settle her and the only way to get her to sleep was nursing. That would stop the crying but it didn't mean that you could put her down - as soon as she was away from the heat of her mommy's or daddy's body, she was wide awake again. I think she was about 18 months when she started sleeping through the night and she didn't nap longer than 45 minutes at a time (and usually, it was closer to 25 minutes) until she was a year old. Other mothers got things done when their children were sleeping - I didn't have that luxury so I don't remember much from that first year other than a feeling of desperation that I didn't know how much longer I could hang on.

When I was pregnant with Baby Bean, I prayed and prayed that he would be a better sleeper. While I didn't get my hopes up that he would be a "sleep through the night" kind of baby (I would never be that lucky), I hoped he would at least nap occasionally and sleep for a bit longer than Pk. When he first came home from the hospital, it seemed like he would be a better sleeper. Gradually, though, it has become more and more clear that sleeping is not his best skill, either. I am less frantic in my exhaustion because at least he doesn't cry but over the 8 weeks of his life, the sleep pattern (what there is of it) is becoming less and less inspiring. He goes down in the evening at some point, than is up at between 1 and 2 a.m. for a feed, again at between 4 and 5 a.m. for a feed and again sometime between 6 and 7 and won't go back down at that point. He won't sleep at night in anything other than our bed (please, don't lecture me about how children shouldn't be in their parents' beds - that's my only way of getting any sleep at all and I am not going to give that up). While it isn't a case of what Pk was in terms of the fact that after he has fed, he is at least willing to go back to sleep, I am finding the lack of sleep is really catching up with me. At first, during the day, he would nap at least once in his co-sleeper or his chair and often, after that 6 a.m. feed, I could put him in the chair to sleep and I could do my Bible study. Now, if I put him down in anything during the day, he is awake within 10 minutes and the only daytime naps that happen are in my arms or in the car while driving. I am back in that fog that I was in with Pk - I feel so stupid because I have trouble following a basic conversation and I say stupid things because I am just so exhausted. I haven't been able to do much of anything in the last week or so since I can't do anything that requires two hands or sitting down (I can get him to nap in the Sleepwrap but only if I am standing).

Yesterday, I was reading a blog of a sweet woman whose baby is two weeks older than Pk and she was saying that her baby often sleeps through the night (from 10 p.m. to 7 a.m.) I haven't been able to get that out of my mind. I am not begrudging her at all (I would love that for everyone) but I have really been brooding over it. What is it that I am doing that makes my children into such horrible sleepers? Is it genetic or is it a flaw in my parenting? If they were older, we could discuss sleep training (which I don't believe in, at least until a child is speaking and can articulate feelings so I know that nighttime issues aren't related to pain or fear) but sleep training doesn't enter into it when you are talking about babies whose ages are still measured in weeks, not months. I don't drink caffeine, I am dairy-free, our house is quiet, I try and put the babies down at the first sign of sleepiness... I am trying not to get too discouraged but I won't lie, I have hit the wall - every day, once afternoon comes, I dream of having a nap with Baby Bean. Pk now sleeps for 2 1/2 hours each afternoon and every day, Dh tells me that the moment she goes down, he wants me to try and sleep with Baby Bean. I try and get him to sleep using all of the tools and usually, the way it plays out is that he is bright-eyed and wants to play for the first hour or so, then he gets sleepy, I rock him and he goes to sleep in my arms, I try and lie down with him and then he is wide awake. We repeat this several times and then I give up and spend an hour or more in the chair with him, either reading or trying to doze upright, all the while terrified of dropping him.

I don't know what to do but I am tired enough now that I worry that I should drive. Any suggestions or at least, any words of encouragement from those of you whose babies were the same? What am I doing wrong? I am trying not to get discouraged but it's getting harder.

Great Expectations, Again

I have written before about my tendency to build things up and then be disappointed. The hardest part of my life to avoid this in is with Pk (which I have also written about). I know I am going down that road again and I can see myself doing it. I don't want her to feel pressure but it's such a struggle.

This time, it's highland dance. Pk has wanted to do dance for a while (she twirls around, singing this funny little ballerina song she has made up and she must wear the ballerina costume from Halloween last year at least once a week). Again, if you have been around here a while, you know that I have serious reservations about many of the dance classes out there. We think we have found a solution.

A couple of weeks ago, we decided that we were going to a local multicultural festival. I went online to look up which performers were scheduled when so that we could try and go to something Pk would really like. I stumbled across some highland dancers and decided to look them up. I found not one but two schools in the area and both advertised starting kids at three. My family background is Scottish and Irish and when I mentioned the idea to my English husband, he really liked the idea (in his words, Pk will fit in with all the other "pasty faced" British kids, LOL). It's great exercise and the costumes, while expensive, don't look like something that escaped from Las Vegas. After several emails, Pk is registered for a class in September.

Over the last couple of days, I have had so much fun trying to get her costume together. For the class itself, she needs a leotard, knee socks and gymnastic shoes. We went to get those today at the local dance supply store. I was shocked at how overcome I was by her cuteness. It brought back all my memories of ballet as a child and it was all I could do to keep from buying the ballet shoe case for her that I had always wanted (at around age 6, I was ballet obsessed!) I could feel myself get really, really excited about this. Yesterday, I went looking for her first kilt (which she wouldn't actually need until January Robert Burns events but a kilt isn't exactly an easy last minute purchase). Again, when I found one (luckily, there is a Scottish shop in the town where my doctor is and I had an appointment yesterday), I could feel myself getting so excited about this. Everyone comments on how English Pk looks with her porcelain-white skin, rosy cheeks, blue eyes and strawberry-red hair and in a kilt with knee socks, she will be adorable. I never knew that I had it in me to be so overwhelmed by the cuteness of my daughter and the scary thing is, Dh is no better than me right now.

I am really talking to myself about not getting too excited about this and being ready for Pk to either be too young or to hate it. I have no fantasies about her as a dancing champion and I don't plan this to become the centre of our lives but I would really enjoy it if this was something she would like to do. I am setting myself up for disappointment and trying so hard not to. Cross your fingers for me.

As an aside, as I am rambling about parenting thoughts today, I have also been pondering how many classes are too many for a child. Let me say, I am not ambitious for my child (at least, not excessively so, I would be lying if I didn't admit to wanting her to be successful enough that she can follow her dreams, whatever they are). I don't see her as the next Mozart, the next Olympic swimmer or a champion dancer. I have always been a person who loves to learn how to do things - the list is long of the things I have learned and the list is even longer of the things I want to learn to do. It spills over to my child(ren) - this fall, Pk will take a Music for Young Children class (she's done a music class since she was 18 months), swimming lessons, highland dance and I hope to have her in the storytime group at the library. I hear so much talk about ambitious parents who have their child in everything and I worry that somehow, I am also that parent, although I have different motivations (I don't believe my child is gifted, I am not getting her into things to give her an edge over the rest of the world and I am not especially concerned that she will be behind everyone else for not doing these things). Baby Bean will do the Mainly Mother Goose group a the library and swim lessons in the winter term. How much do you think is too much? Do you see anything wrong with a child doing lots of classes? In my mind, since they still get lots of unstructured time, lots of free choice play and they aren't going to school/Montessori/nursery school, there isn't anything wrong with trying to stretch her horizons and help her develop interests. I have to admit that I have even struggled with not putting her in more, since I have heard of at least three other things I would love her to get the chance to do (soccer, horseback riding and bowling). I think I have found a good balance. I just want her to be able to find her passion and pursue it.

How do you handle classes for your children? How do you set limits or decide what to allow/encourage your child to pursue?

Character Lessons

As you know from yesterday, Focus on the Family has a good new website, Kids of Integrity. I have been really interested in doing more teaching about our faith with Pk and I haven't known really where to start. We read the Bible and do little activities but I wasn't feeling like I was really applying it to daily life well enough. Last weekend, when we were at my parents'-in-law church, I was impressed with the Sunday school programme (I had to go with Pk because she was too shy about being left). She came away with a good understanding of the Hannah and Baby Samuel story and it made me realise that, while I LOVE our church, there isn't any good programming for the pre-schoolers and if we are going to stay at this church, I will need to pick up the slack. That's where Kids of Integrity comes in.

There are a series of character traits and each trait has a number of lessons that go along with it. I decided, after some browsing, that obedience is a good place for us to start (not that I think that doing this will make Pk instantly obedient but it gives us a really good jumping off point in our discussions of what we expect). I browsed the Bible stories associated and decided that we would take a week with each story - Jonah, Noah, Adam and Eve, Shadrach, Mishak and Abednego and finally, Moses. It's been fun putting some ideas together and doing the work with Pk.

We also have a memory verse for the unit -

Colossians 3:20 “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.”

So far, we have done the Jonah work and I will post about that later but this week, we have started a focus on Noah. I will post the lessons we do, just in case anyone is interested. Pk is not quite three so I am trying to find ways to make the stories meaningful to her. We keep talking about the story all week and then I have colouring pages for her to do each day.

Lesson 2 : Noah's Ark

Materials :

- Noah's Ark stories (the one I used is below, it was a gift from Pk's babysitter who gave us the entire set which are dated but tell the stories really well - I also really

like the Barbara Reid version and I need to get a copy of that)

- a children's Bible (this is one of the ones we use - I love this one because it comes with CD's that go with it with a song that goes with each story - the Noah's Ark one is "Who Built the Ark"? which Pk knows)

- a bucket

-crayons

-coloring pages - here are some good printables:

Noah's Ark colouring pages - http://dailycoloringpages.com/images/noahs-ark-rainbow-bible-coloring-sheets.png

http://dailycoloringpages.com/noahs-ark-bible-coloring-sheets/

http://www.supercoloring.com/image_print.php?img_src=http://www.supercoloring.com/wp-content/original/2009_07/Noahs-ark-coloring-page.jpg

-different plastic containers that float

-paper towel

-toy animals (hollow ones that aren't too heavy work best)

Step 1 - Read the story. Ask some questions and point out the elements of the story (God told Noah to build the ark, an ark is a kind of boat, the animals come in pairs). I found that having Pk list all the animals she knows really engaged her interest.

Step 2 - Have the child complete a coloring page (I let Pk pick which one she liked best). We talked about what part of the story we were seeing in the picture and I reminded her, again, that Noah listened to what God was asking him to do.

Step 3 - Fill the bucket with water. Put the animals in the water and discuss whether they can swim (I had a cow, a cat, a pig and some teddy bears). We pointed out that those animals can't swim and it would be bad for them to be in deep water. We put one of the containers in the water and placed an animal in the container. We talked about how the "ark" we had made was helping the animal to be safe and dry. Repeat with all the animals. Try some of the different plastic containers. Ask the child whether the paper towel would make a good boat (Pk said that it would). Place it on the top of the water and try to put the animals on the towel. Discuss whether the animals are safe on the paper towel. Explain that it was important that Noah listen to God so that he knew how to make the boat so that it would keep the animals safe.

Step 4 - Review the memory verse (Pk has it memorized now if we start with the first two words).

There are a few other Noah's Ark resources that we like that we used. The first is something I have been wanting to write about for a while. I love this:

Noah's Ark puzzle - http://issuu.com/thinkpendesign/docs/blessings_spring09o

These are "family puzzle sets" and the idea is that it is wonderful for a family to be able to sit down and do puzzles together but rarely are all members of the family at the same skill level. Each set comes with three puzzles on the same theme with different levels of difficulty. Pk loves the simple Noah's ark puzzle and as she gets older, she will be able to complete the other two.

Another Noah's ark resource I like is the book Rise and Shine by Tim Warnes from the Little Simon Inspirations Series (lovely books with a faith focus).

As I design my other lessons, I will post them as well - not that they are necessarily going to be used by anyone else but I am having fun putting this together.

Blessings!

Focus on the Family

Growing up, Focus on the Family was something that was viewed as being "bad" - anti-woman, bigoted and pro harsh treatment of children. James Dobson's name was synonomous with hard-core, right wing, closed minded traditional thinking.

When we moved up here to the north, I started listening to the Christian radio station off and on. I LOVE any kind of talk radio other than loudmouth blathering and they ran a few programmes that I found that I liked. Much to my surprise, the Focus on the Family daily broadcast became something that I really found myself enjoying.

Before I get into all of the things that I have discovered that I really like about Focus, I do have to declare that there are things with which I strongly disagree, primarily in the area of politics (hey, I should offend everyone here, I am hitting on religion and politics in one post!) I am not an American and I have come to the conclusion that there are aspects of the American mind that I, as a Canadian, will never understand. I do not understand the need for the right to carry firearms, I do not understand (or agree with) most of the foreign policy of the Bush years and I do NOT understand what there is to be afraid of in health care reform, particularly when it might mean that people would be less likely to lose their entire financial future due to an illness, the birth of a baby that goes wrong or an injury. I turn off Focus when they are talking politics and just agree to disagree.

Now that's cleared up, I do want to say that there is a tremendous amount about Focus that I have found myself really, really liking. I love their daily broadcasts (other than a tendency to replay the same shows a bit too often). They feature many well-informed, educated and compassionate guests who are able to share a great deal of useful information about managing family life (including marriage, parenting and finances). I loved Shaunti Feldhan's book about men, Gary Smalley stuff on relationships, I LOVE what Kevin Leman has to say about parenting, the list goes on and on. These experts are compassionate, realistic, do no advocate parenting techniques that I find to be overly harsh and as a woman who works outside of my home, I don't feel like I am vilified for not being a stay-at-home mother and homeschooling my children. These experts and resources really meet the needs I have as a parent and a wife. There are many wonderful books that I would never have discovered without Focus. They also have a number of programmes featuring stories of hope, recovery, forgiveness and healing that have me in tears (which is really embarassing when I am listening to their programmes on my ipod).

They have also brought out new resources that I am really enjoying. The first is their new magazine, Thriving Family. There are six issues a year and each issue addresses a variety of issues and needs of families with children at various stages of development. The magazine is easy to read, has great ideas and fits with my family's lifestyle (as opposed to a lot of other parenting magazines, which are full of ads and are mainly designed to get me to shop). The price is right and I am grateful for it.

Another Focus resource that I have found myself really liking is their new website, Kids of Integrity. The website is organized around a series of character traits that we might want to develop in our children and then features all kinds of lessons, strategies and activities for developing those character traits. We have been working on the obedience trait (defiance is a big thing in our house these days) and I found some great stuff in terms of using Bible stories as a jumping off point for discussing obedience (our focus this week has been on Jonah and next week, we are going to look at Noah). Everything you need is there to help design a programme to meet the needs of your own child. Given that the site is free, I am really, really impressed and grateful to have it as a resource.

Another Focus resource that I have found to be absolutely excellent is the Plugged In Online. It's a website that features reviews on music, movies and other media that you may be interested in or that your children may be interested in. I find them to be non-judgemental - you get a factual breakdown of the amount of violence, coarse language, sexuality, adult themes, etc so that you can make an informed choice about what you want to expose your family to. Dh and I have used it to research movies we are thinking about and as Pk and Baby Bean get older, I sincerely hope that it continues to be available as a resource to parents!

Finally, while Pk is a bit young for it, Focus has also worked in partnership with Phil Vischer of Veggietales fame to develop a new online experience for children called JellyTelly. Jellytelly features programmes, games and other media that help children to explore their faith while being entertaining. Phil Vischer is brilliant and is able to use the modern media to reach children in a way that speaks to them in the way that other media is sharing ideas and values that go against what so many of us want for our children. It's really worth checking out. It's a subscription service but at $4.99 a month, it isn't exactly expensive.

Thank you, Focus, for doing so much to support families!

Bible Study

A little over a year ago, I stumbled across Abbie's blog and her link to an online Bible study group. I decided to give it a try and I have LOVED it. I hadn't done any of Beth Moore's Bible studies before joining the group and I have fallen in love with her approach, marrying real life application with fairly in depth study of text. I have learned so much and have really grown in my faith. It's also really nice to have joined a close, online community of women who are striving to grow in their faith and to support each other.

In September, we will be starting another study - Annointed, Transformed, Redeemed, A Study of David. If you haven't done a Bible study like this, I would suggest you join us! For more information, visit our groups' blog - Living in His Design.

Hope to see you there!