Stressed-Less Living -Blessed

I have been so excited since I saw that one of the topics for this weeks' blog hop at the Stressed-Less Living study hosted by Proverbs 31 was women who have shaped us on our faith journey.  While I have a few I could mention, I'd really like to introduce you to my grandmother.

Grandma was born in Northern Ireland in a large family.  Her parents were Salvation Army officers  in various low income areas.  After two of her siblings died of measles (and she spent a year in bed), they decided to look for a new environment for their children and moved to Canada.  Grandma was 12.  She never lost that gentle accent or that connection to "the old country."

Grandma was my favourite person in the entire world other than my mother (and it would have been a close race!)  I was the first granddaughter and she was a lover of all things feminine.  I would go to her apartment for the weekend and there would be scented bubble baths, having my hair done in elaborate braids and I wore a skirt or dress all the time (which was the absolute opposite of my hippie mother, who only wanted me in brown bell-bottoms, which I thought was cruel and unusual punishment).  A wonderful thing about Grandma was that after many decades of her life as first a minister's daughter in the prairies in the 1920's and then as a minister's wife, she had learned to live in genteel poverty in a way that made us all feel rich.  She always set a lovely table, her home was always wonderfully comfortable, she was always well-turned out and most of all, she always had a warm smile, a lovely lap and she always made me feel as if I was the most important thing in her world.  She also did the most wonderful knitting and I am sure that I am a knitter because of those few early lessons that she gave me.

There were several things about Grandma that I have really carried with me as good life lessons and while I don't always accomplish them, I do my best.  She lived her faith in each stage of her life and she planted that in each of us.

1.  Always being gracious and showing kindness to those around you.  Grandma may have had a few quirks (which I learned about later, as I child, I only knew how amazing she was) she would NEVER be rude to anyone, ever (and it most certainly would NEVER have been tolerated in any of us).  She treated everyone the same way, whether a rich congregation member or a street person.  Before her marriage, she worked on the docks in Montreal helping new arrivals to Canada and between that and her parents helping the poor men getting off the trains in the prairies during the Depression, she learned that every person is precious and that part of her calling was to be blessing to those around her.  I still remember that she always had Life Savers for the local street kids that came to our church on Sunday mornings and if she wasn't in the choir, she would have them sit with her.

2.  Family is a gift and should never be taken for granted.  Grandma most certainly taught me lessons about unconditional love.  Family was the essence of life and came before anything else, other than God.  She cherished us all and we all knew that no matter what, she would be there for us. It was a wonderful model of God's love.   It gave all of us a stability that helped us to get through some of life's tougher times.

3.  Live according to your faith.  Her faith was most definitely not a "Sunday morning" faith, it permeated all of her life.  We would sing hymns together (I still remember her singing "The Holy City" and she had a lovely voice - while it is very dated, I will always adore it), read Bible texts together and pray together.  Church was the center of her life and it was not just a social experience, it was a place to go to be part of God's family.

4.  Live as though you are rich.  I don't mean this in the sense of having a lot or spending beyond your means, just that there are gifts in each day and we should cherish and enjoy what God has given us.  Especially here in North America, we have so much and yet, we complain that we want more.  Grandma was this side of destitute after Grandpa died (his church pension was next to nothing and they had never earned enough to build up any savings) and yet, because she shared so much and lived for love rather than things, one never had a sense of being poor.  I am not anywhere near as grateful for everything that I have as I should be and I would love my children to have wonderful memories of a mom who created a lovely world for them, full of what is most important.

Grandma died when I was 12 and, almost 30 years ago and other than mom, nobody has had the same impact on me.  I am so grateful to God that I had her and I would like to try to follow her lead in how to live life as a Christian.

Against the Current Parenting

I am loving the "Stressed-Less Living" study over at Proverbs 31 Ministries.  It's funny, sometimes a study meets me where I need to be and sometimes I just don't connect.  This one is a definite connection.

In chapter 3, the chapter for last week, there was a section on parenting against the societal current.  I relate to this so much.  For me, it's combination of my value system and my years in education.  I do find myself flowing against the current when it comes to parenting and I sense that subtle disapproval.  Whether it's my pursuing of an "attachment parenting" style, my high amount of filtering media or the way I dress my kids, I often feel as though people are judging my choices.  It's an odd place to be because I am very sure that this is the right path for my family but it can really lead me to doubt myself sometimes.  I also am thrown into situations when I feel a bit left out with other moms, even some who are wonderful friends - it's not anything they do, it's my own internal struggle.

 I remember, when I was a student teacher, I did a placement at a school in a very affluent area.  These students had many opportunities, came from educated families and lacked for nothing.  Many of the kids were very successful in school but there were a few who really stood out.  One of the students was Ned (I can name him because it was years ago and he's probably in university now, ugh!)  He was just different.  He was calmer, he was so much more creative than the other kids.  The only thing that I could put my finger on was that his family did not allow video games or television.  I remember thinking at the time that he and his different way of approaching things was something that I wanted to remember.  I realise that it is a mistake to base everything on one child but it's a pattern I have noticed that longer that I teach.

I don't judge other parents for the choices that they make but I am pretty strong in the things I hold as being important for my children.  At times, that's hard.  For me personally, the longer I keep video games out of our home, the better.  So far, now that my children are young and Pk isn't especially interested anyway, it isn't a problem.  It also helps that I am not anti-computer (Pk and I watch things online and sometimes, I even let her play a bit), we just are extremely choosey about what she is allowed to use.  I have friends whose kids are on their various systems often and they buy early systems for their two year olds.  For me, that is incomprehensible.  Again, I think it's my teaching that has shaped me that way - the grey-faced boys who only ever talk about video games and who require so much stimulation.  If given a bin of blocks, they stare at you blankly and their attention span with books lasts 5 minutes at best.  Other children, the ones who play outside and have creative toys and are forced to entertain themselves, are the ones who never complain about being bored, love writing stories and are so much more engaged with the world around them.

The other thing that I am noticing more and more in my teaching, and that I want to avoid, are the children who are "old beyond their years."  Whether it's the t.v. they watch, the clothing they wear or the topics that they seem to be knowledgeable about, it makes me really sad to see that, as far as I can see, childhood is being lost.  It warms my heart that Pk and Lb still watch "Word World" together (the all-time favourite show it my house), I haven't heard "that's baby stuff" yet and they still have an innocence.  Yes, I know that the day will come when we start to hit up against all of that but for now, it just makes me so happy that they are content to be kids.  So many of the kids I see who are "older" are unhappy, constantly wanting more and just seem so lost.

I guess this long post is to say that it's hard to be an "against the current" parent, especially when you are facing the criticism of other moms (don't get me started on the sleep issues that we had and the judgement that we faced about it).  I have times of really doubting myself but honestly, in looking at my own kids, at least for now, all of those struggles and all of that disapproval is worth it.  I does cause me stress but I know that when I feel like I have compromised on what I think is best for my children, that stresses me more. 

How are you "against the current"?  How do you balance that?

Little Joys

I think that the nicest gifts are the ones that are totally unexpected, especially when they are so thoughtful and really reflect someone's knowledge of me.  I got two of those this week.

The first one was from someone at work.  Last week, she had gone to a "tea" fundraiser and she needed a fancy hat.  Apparently, the secretaries at work were discussing it and immediately decided that I would be the perfect person to ask.  I do have rather a hat fetish and the more historical, the better.  I took her in two of my favourites and she wore one to her tea.  Totally unexpectedly, she brought me in three vintage paper dollhouses that she had for her daughter that she thought Pk might like.  I loved paper dolls as a child (that was something that my grandmother and I shared) and Pk is just like me, she loves dress up and making up stories.  I was so touched and already, Pk and I have had fun with them.  One is from "The Secret Garden", which happens to be a book that I love that I want to read to Pk (and I'm dying to get the movie from the 90's on DVD - it was marvellous).

My other lovely treat was this rose perfume, which was totally unexpected.  When I was a child, my mother had a friend from work who I adored.  She was Irish, elegant and so very kind.  She was also wealthy in a way that I had never seen.  She was soft and sweet and exotic to a poor kid from the east end.  I will always remember a Christmas open house to which we were invited.  I don't remember her house clearly but I do remember the multiple fireplaces burning, elegant dishes of nuts in the their shells and the lovely smell.  I always associated her with the smell of roses.

She moved far away and we lost contact.  She has recently moved back to the city and she and mom have reconnected.  Mom mentioned to her that I remembered her wearing the rose perfume and that I have always loved roses since.  Well, last week, this was sent to me from her.  It's lovely and reminds me exactly of how she smelled.  I will treasure it because of the giver.

A last little joy?  Pk at her desk.  She spent house here this morning playing with her paper ponies.  I have always loved my desk and have spent many hours there.  I'm so glad that Pk feels the same way!

Rest - Stressed-Less Living Blog Hop

I am continuing to participate in the Stressed-Less Living study over at Melissa Taylor Online.  Check it out here!




Rest. In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength. ~ Isaiah 30:15b (NIV)

 I don't think I can say enough about this weeks' text.  It speaks to me on so many levels.

First of all, I am tired.  Bone weary.  There are more days than I can count that I fall into bed, try to read and I wake up in the morning with my book on the floor beside me and I can't remember where I stopped reading.  I come home from work and I'm not sure how I am going to face "being mom" for the next several hours and my patience is at a low ebb.  I run and run and run and don't seem to get anywhere but weary and further behind.  I read a text like this and I am overwhelmed with a sense of relief.  It's possible not to feel this way.  There IS a way to live differently.  God has so much to offer me and rest is the gift I feel as if I need the most.

Repentance - when I first read this text at the beginning of the week, this word didn't leap out at me as much as it did as the week went on.  My breakthrough came during my evening prayers on Tuesday night, I think it was.  You know how there are friends who are people you like but don't really feel as if you connect with and then there are what I think of as "kindred spirits"?  I am reasonably introverted and so I don't generally spend much time in the "friend" catagory, I'd much rather expend my people energy with those kindred spirits who I feel really know and get me.  I've been forced to work on this over the past year, as in our circle, there is someone who I find I don't connect with and at times, it has been somewhat painful.  She makes me feel very insecure and seems to trigger everything that can make me feel badly about myself.  It's not deliberate on her part, she is not in any way a bad person, she and I, while on the surface it looks like we have a lot in common, see the word in a very different way and our values often clash (especially in the honesty vs. kindness department, she is someone who values honesty and I am someone of the "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say it" ilk).  I often come away from our conversations and even email exchanges feeling a bit diminished and then, also, feeling like I haven't treated her as kindly as I should because of the issues in me that she has triggered.  It sounds small but for a brooder like me, it really weighs me down.

So, back to my revelation.  I do evening prayers every night and as I did my prayers, I came to it feeling rather upset - I was feeling tension and hostility and feeling really guilty that I might have contributed to it.  As I prayed, I asked God to forgive my selfishness and the fact that I was allowing my own insecurities to interfere with how I related to this person.  I had not been the warm and supportive friend that I feel called to be.  All of a sudden, it dawned on me (I can't explain it, my logical mind knows about forgiveness but my human heart often doesn't accept this great gift).  It was over.  I had given it to God, tomorrow was a new day and it was over.  I was forgiven.  I felt so relieved and lightened and unburdened.  And, of course, a feeling of peace - that rest I crave.  At that point, I truly understood that amazing way that repentance and rest are connected.

I don't know whether it is this study or whether it is something else but I have been feeling more centred this week.  I am trying to do what needs doing and to release the things I can't control.  One thing I can control is the amount of sleep I get and I have been working at getting to bed earlier, which certainly helps.  I can't wait for next week and the next chapter of this book.  I'm looking forward to reading what everyone else has to share!

Little Joys

My little joy for today?  Having the time to sit here and write!  It's been a whirlwind for the last week or so.   Nothing horrifically awful, just little things that just keep seeming to pile up and make me feel as if I am just ahead of drowning.  If I don't get a few little, quiet moments, that's when I sink completely and thankfully, there have been a few such quiet moments today.
I hope you have been able to enjoy a few quiet moments to catch your breath today and to look around and to see all that you have!

Little Joys

I love my crocuses (croci?).  They seem to come out of nowhere - on Sunday, I looked for them and there was no sign of them and then today, there was this riot of purple.  For me, this is the true sign of spring.

Two other joys today - 1.  that my children are healthy and thriving.  I did J.K. screenings today and there was a child that came in who was very obviously severely autistic and the mother didn't seem to have a clear idea that something was wrong.  Autism is such a horrible condition, especially in its severest forms and the road for that family, as they come to terms with the struggles that their child will face, will be a tough one.

2.  That I have everyone in my family in one piece.  My heart goes out to all impacted by the tragedy in Boston.  It just seems so wrong to have people who have no connection to whatever the issue is hurt (which, I guess, is no different than all of the innocent people caught in conflicts around the world - what a reminder that we need to work harder to protect the weak and to prevent armed conflicts in the world).  So many people are suffering in so many ways.  It makes me so sad.

Little Joys

When I was very young, my family had a wonderful next-door neighbour who I called "Auntie Marion."  She was truly an amazing woman.  She was raising three children on her own after her husband had left her.  She had chronic health problems and couldn't work outside the home but she babysat me off and on while my mom was at school/work and dad was working and she took in borders into her house.  I adored her.

One thing that I look back on with Auntie Marion is the absolutely amazing way that she created bounty with nothing.  Every Christmas, she would bake cookies and give them to everyone.  These weren't cookies, these were COOKIES!  She had a garden and she canned and preserved and everything just melted in your mouth.  To this day, I can't resist buying certain kinds of cookie tins at yard sales because they remind me of her tins that she would use to give us those cookies.  Each one was a mouth full of her love.

I had a friend deliver a dinner for me yesterday since she knew I was going to have a hard week.  The food was yummy but to me, the container was even yummier.  Vintage casseroles like this one remind me so much of Auntie Marion and her love.  It's a symbol for me of taking care of each other, of giving what we have selflessly and of connection.  I'm sappy, I know, but just looking at this on the counter makes me feel just that little bit safer in the world.

And on a much shallower note...

1.  The family pedicure last night - even Lb had to be a part - he chose the pink glitter polish for HIS nails

 2.  Running the dogs.  I adore the fact that we have natural spaces like this within 5 minutes of home.  I'm also grateful that I have dogs who force me to get out, even when I don't really want to.