Christmas is coming! Christmas is coming! Hooray! I HATE this time of year. I can't stand the darkness. It makes me feel truly claustrophobic and isolated and it's all about the lack of light. The one thing that gets me through is the excitement of Christmas. It's so hard to hold off until the first Sunday of Advent to decorate - I want Christmas to begin NOW so that I can pretend that it's not so dark. We are planning to really celebrate this year - we always do but we have been feeling like we have lost track of our most special people.
As I have said before, I have been going to therapy and trying to work through some stuff. The situation with Dh's family is definitely one of my biggest struggles. I have this dream of what an extended family should be and basically, I have realised that I have to let that dream go. They aren't going to change and Dh and I have tried endless ways to please them and to make the family closer. Unfortunately, as my therapist said, we are knocking on a door that is closed and locked and unless they decide to open the door to us, which is unlikely, things won't change. It's time for me to lick my wounds, grieve a bit the fact that Pk will never have the love and acceptance from that side of the family that I want for her (although I can't complain too much since my family lavishes her with enough love for 60 children) and then work on surrounding ourselves with the people we really care about and people who are loving. That leads me back to Christmas. We want to have lots of our favourite people over and to do lots of visiting and put the focus on the people who matter. So, Kittenpie, we definitely want to find a way to see you this holiday!
So, I am grateful for the joy of Christmas AND for the opportunity that it gives us to focus on what really matters most.
I am the SAME way!! In Boston it got dark at 4:15... I bet it's the same with you in Canada???
ReplyDeleteI hate the long dark, too, and love the holidays for the lights and music and joy it brings back into the world for a while. Even if my celebrations are more secular, I think there is good reason why every culture seems to have some sort of festival of lights during the winter - we need it! We need reminding that there is joy and that there are other people in the same boat to reach out to, and that there are good things in our lives, even if we feel all miserable and SAD-afflicted.
ReplyDeleteAnd I am so glad you have the family you do - they are just the warmest, most loving people. There's good reason I have been know to accidentally call your mother "mom!"
We would of course love to see you - I only hate that this fall has been so crazy, we haven't been able to try to get together on a weekend. Thank goodness I have lots of time off in Dec. to calm down and get ready for the holidays.