Snowflake Playdate

When I was growing up, we didn't have people over much.  My parents were super-loving and devoted to God but to say that they were not devoted to decor or tidiness, for that matter, would be an understatement of the greatest extreme.  It left me with a bit of a fear of entertaining - I get so nervous that people will think our house is a mess or that we aren't hospitable.  Silly, I know, given that the people that one generally invites to ones home tend to be people who one loves but there it is.  It's been something that I am determined to overcome, especially since I view hospitality as something that can be an outward show of my faith.

Pk is always asking to have friends over for playdates and since we are so busy (and overscheduled these days :-(  ), we just never seem to get around to it.  Then, over Christmas I had an idea.  Instead of trying to fit in a playdate here and there, once a month, we would have a "playdate party" and invite several friends.  It also lets me play around on Pinterest, one of my favourite pastimes, so we all win.

We had our first playdate party today and I would say that it was a raging success.  We decided to call it a "snowflake party."  I invited four girls and told their moms that they could stay or go, whichever they preferred.  Three of the four opted to stay and one of the nicest parts of the day for me what having a good visit with the moms.  It's terrific to have girlies old enough to play on their own now!

They had some free time together and then, we did some crafts.  I had three planned and we only got to two since we kind of ran off the rails with the glitter - I often forget that girls and glitter are a match made in heaven!

We started with these marshmallow snowflakes ("can I eat one? just one mommy?) which were a huge hit and then we moved onto these glitter snowflakes.  Needless to say, the table was covered in glitter (thank goodness I just had a dollar store tablecloth down, I just wrapped it all up and out it went).  I wanted to make these pipecleaner snowflakes, I thought they were really, really cute but the "My Little Ponies" and the princess costumes were calling and the girls just couldn't stay sitting any longer.

I also had lots of snowflake fun with the food.  We had snowflake tortillas, snowflake quesadillas and I cut the coldcuts, the cheese and the bread with my large snowflake cookie cutter so the girls could make their own snowflake sandwiches.  I rounded it out with some veggies and some fruit and some Babybel cheese and we had a feast perfect for a five year old.  Needless to say, I had fun with dessert too - there were hot chocolate and marshmallow cupcakes, marshmallow wands (Pk's favourite treat ever) and homemade marshmallows (which were meant for hot chocolate had we played outside in snow but the weather didn't cooperate).

I have to say, I found this party to be so enjoyable and people stayed way past the "finish" time so I am going to assume that we will do this again.  I know that Pk loved it and I think the moms really had fun just getting a chance to sit and chat.  This is definitely something that I want to repeat and there were plans today for a movie and pyjama party theme the next time round.  Guess I had better spend some time on Pinterest, LOL!

Yarn Along

I haven't been around here for this for a long time and really, given my lack of photography skills and my crappy camera, I really don't belong here but I must admit, I LOVE doing this.  Knitting and reading are two of my favourite things, especially when life is chaotic.  It's nice to be back.

As you can see from my photo, I seem to have having some trouble committing these days.  In terms of knitting, I finished not one but two of the Jared Flood Guernsey Wraps for Christmas gifts (note to self: I must make myself one someday but I honestly needed a break) and since then, I have been wandering a bit.  I made Pk a matching scarf/hat thing for her and for her Jenna doll (that's another post) and I've been doing some dishcloths and I have been printing off all kinds of patterns.  I debated making this or this or this but finally, I think I have settled on Jared Flood's Topiary, which I have started twice now.  It's a charted pattern and I often find they take me a few false starts before I really get them going and this one is no exception.  I don't know much about Jared Flood (or, to quote my English Father-in-law, "Who's he when he's at home?"), but his designs are gorgeous!

I've been no better with books.  I finished "The Year of Biblical Womanhood" by Rachel Held Evans (another post - it was BRILLIANT!) and Kathy Reichs newest, which was also super and I've been wandering since.  I had finished the first two books of The Crosswicks Journals by Madeleine L'Engle, which I had adored, and now I am on to book three.  It's good and I love the way her mind wanders but she loosely bases each chapter on a segment of the liturgical year.  We follow the year to some extent but not the way that Anglicans do and I'm finding it a bit harder to follow.  I'm also still reading "Almost Amish" by Nancy Sleeth.  I go back and forth on this book.  She has many great ideas and inspires me to living greater simplicity but I also am finding it a bit earnest, if that makes sense.  Yes, we need to live wisely and thoughtfully and frugally but there is a point at which it beings to feel a bit stark to me.  Finally, for some light reading, there is "Diva's Don't Knit" by Gil McNeil.  It's cute - think Bridget Jones meets any one of the yarn store novels that are out there these days.  I like it but it certainly wouldn't go on any top ten lists.

I can't wait to see what everyone else is knitting and reading!

Happy 2013

Be Still...

This is going to be my "word" for the year (although since it's two words, I hope it still counts!)  Life for me has been going at too fast a pace over the last few months and I feel like all I do is rush.  The rushing leads to not living life the way that I would like and much of the time, I am frazzled, frustrated and exhausted.  My aim for this year is to slow down, just a bit.  I want to focus on savouring the small moments, looking for rest and having fairer expectations of myself.  I know that resolutions don't often get kept but I also think that once in a while, it's not a bad thing to look at life and think about ways that it can improve.  Here are my goals for 2013:

1.  Slow down.  As myself whether I really need to be committing to whatever it is.  Build in some quiet times and block off some time each week to have a time at home with nothing planned.

2.  Pray.  I just finished reading The Year of Biblical Womanhood, which I have been savouring all fall, and that was something that kept coming back to me.  I don't make enough time for reading scripture, praying and reflecting.  My guide for the year is Common Prayer:  A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals which is a fantastic book that I have been using more and more.  I want a daily prayer and scripture time twice daily.

3.  Make time for friendship.  I have become fairly good and making time for my local friends since that it easier to make happen but I have to old and very, very precious friends who live further away who seem to be left behind in the busyness of life.  Kittenpie and W, I am going to work harder and giving you the priority to deserve since you are like my sisters and your presence in my life means more than I ever let you know.

4.  Manage my resources better.  One facet of the rushing thing is that I don't make my decisions very wisely at times.  I want to focus on saving and reducing debt and not using spending as a way to soothe myself (I am a bad impulse shopper) or to make myself feel more like I fit in.

5.  Be more mindful about diet and exercise.  In the frantic pace of life, while we don't tend to eat too badly, I eat mindlessly, snacking too much, eating crap in the afternoon since I didn't put enough effort into making a satisfying lunch and letting myself get too tired so I eat to get by.  We also are doing a farm share and I would like to put more of the emphasis back onto eating our farm share food and seeking out fair trade products and local food and to avoid all processed foods whenever possible.  I was fairly good about exercise in the fall and I want to keep that up.

6.  READ.  I have a huge pile of books beside my bed that I am dying to get through and so many things I have at the library that I want to read.  I want to consciously make more time for reading this year.

So, there you have it.  I'm going to view these as goals rather than resolutions since, once I break them, a goal feels more like something that I can try again.  I hope that you are able to achieve all of the things that you set out for yourself this year and that you are able to be still and enjoy the moments you are given

Happy 2013!

The Best of Times and the Worst of Times

Last Wednesday night, my very good friend lost her dad to cancer.  It's been such a long road for her and, as an only child and with a mother in the early stages of dementia, it's not going to be much easier for her in the near future.  I often find it amazing to see the things I learn out of situations like this.  I thought I would share a few things I have noticed:

1.  Crisis always shows you who your friends really are.  There are people who we think of as only acquaintances who step forward with amazing kindness and generosity and there are people who are supposed to love you who manage to be a.w.o.l.

2.  Friends truly can be family.  My friend whose father died, J, has a best friend from primary school, S.  Dh has joked for years that everyone needs an "Aunt S" because she always spoils everyone.  During this, I truly got to see why everyone needs an "Aunt S" - she did everything from help to buy the space in the cemetery to shopping for a dark outfit for J's son (who is very large for his age, so she bought sizes 7, 8, 9 and 10, just in case).  She took on so much of the work and her sole mission was to be there for J.  She's a very special person.

3.  I sometimes wonder how strong my faith is and whether I have too many doubts.  It was so interesting.  It was a Catholic funeral and I found myself wanting to yell out a few times, as we begged God to accept my friends' father, "Do you believe in Salvation or not?"  This is sad for those left behind but we should know that there is something wonderful and exciting and new and transitional happening here.  My husband grew up in the Salvation Army and the funerals are very different - a "promotion to glory" and they even clap the casket out of the church.  I want that!

4.  When the grandson, who is five, walked down the aisle carrying the stuffed dog that Pk insisted we buy him the other day, my heart melted.  How did she know what it was that he needed?

5.  God is there in the small things.  We brought our friends' son back to our house after the funeral and we cooked a big dinner to feed them when they arrived to pick him up.  As we finished the main course (and I didn't have anything prepared for dessert), the doorbell rang and there was my friend's husband with a tray of fresh cookies.  I had taken her a tray of food when she had gallbladder surgery three weeks ago so she had sent her husband back with the pan, filled of course.  We had a lovely end to the meal with yummy cookies and tea and I think we all got a chance to decompress.  It's funny but it's the little moments like that which linger for me from times like this.

I'm exhausted and it was draining but it means so much TO ME that we were able to be there for her.  I remember at some point, in a course, an argument about whether people can ever do anything that is truly altruistic or whether, deep down, we are always looking for something for ourselves.  In this case, I actually feel kind of guilty - it felt so good to be able to feel like we were doing something to help someone who was suffering.

On Mommy Guilt...

Wow, it's been crushing lately.  For the record, in case you don't know, I am a working mom.  I love my job and since I work in education, it's easy to see how important the work is that I do.  I'm not working for the money, I'm personally working for the blessing of seeing kids' minds open up to the world around them and to be there for children for whom the adults in their lives are unwilling or unable to be.  Daily, I pick up the pieces as marriages fall apart, I try to be there for kids whose parents are in crisis and I try to be the adult in a child's life when the adults are acting like children.  I am not saying that every child needs this but I refuse to apologize for being a mom who works outside the home - my work is important.  I almost never go out on my own unless my children are asleep, I don't go out to socialize with friends and I avoid all choices that take me away from my children.  I also have the luxury that my schedule roughly matches up with that of my kids so while my son is at daycare during the day, my daughter is only in daycare for about an hour a day because she is in school.

That being said, this year, I have more keenly felt than ever, the struggle of being a working mom.  Because of the nature of my job, I can't go in and volunteer in my daughter's classroom and I can't be a daily presence at the school.  I decided that, since her school doesn't exactly bless me with other chances to be involved, that I would start going to the parent council meetings.  Has that ever been eye-opening.  It's run by a very small group of mothers, all of whom are stay-at-home and all of whom obviously look down on us as being "lesser moms" and "not getting the needs of our children" and that "if we really cared, we could stay home."  It makes me want to scream - "your staying home isn't because of any special accomplishment on your part other than marrying a man who can pay your way."  I don't judge these women for staying home and, truth be told, I'd love to work part-time (that's my ultimate dream) but for us, right now, that's just not possible.  I makes me insane that these women can be so judgemental.  Does staying home with the children really bring that out in women?  Seriously, I am asking that.  I came home after the first meeting and told my husband that I was glad that I was able to go out to work because at least I am out with women who aren't bored and don't have to resort to the "mean girl" some in, some out drama to make life interesting.

All this being said, the mommy-guilt keeps kicking in, though.  Last year, the school scheduled the kindergarten concert in the morning during the school day.  I was shocked.  Every school at which I have ever taught has had concerts in the evening to allow parents to come.  For the 15 years I have been teaching, I have just viewed it as part of my job to stay a few evenings a year.  My husband and I really don't have any childcare options here and my husband does all kinds of musical evenings at his school so I have taken my children with me (and they both love going to my school and being spoiled by my students and fauned over by the parents).  Last year, I took a day off and went, risking being in trouble from the school board.  This year, with all the labour unrest here, I guessed that it would be during the day again and I started to creatively plan how I might get there.  I asked about whether I could take an unpaid day off and was told that there is no way that they would approve it.  Dh and I talked and we decided that he could probably go in late and get a couple of teachers to cover his class, just so that we wouldn't have to tell Pk that nobody would be there to cheer her on.  Then, last Friday, we heard through the grapevine that they were planning the concert for the afternoon of the Friday before the break.  There is NO way that we could sneak out for a bit then and if we booked the time off, we would be slaughtered.  I lost it.  I sent the principal a very pointed email about the fact that they evidently valued one type of parent very much over another and that this was an equity issue that they were excluding parents who work who, in this town anyway, must be the vast majority of the population.  At the end of the day (after some considerable discomfort including the principal emailing the principal at my school!), the concert was actually moved - the principal agreed that they couldn't have chosen a time more challenging for the vast majority of parents.  It is still during the day (with the current labour situation, there are no evening concerts) but it was at least a small gesture.  In the midst of it all, though, I came away feeling like a total failure.  My child was going to have to come away feeling like we didn't care because of the fact that we can never be there for her.  I cried more than a few tears over that.

Why is it so hard to be a mother and not feel loaded down all the time?  I'm sick of it.  I wish I could find a way to just let it go and know that my children get so many opportunities and because Dh and I are teachers during the day, we can be much more present than most parents (off two weeks at Christmas, one week at March Break and 9 weeks together full-time as a family in the summer and only a few hours a day during the work week).  I also don't want my daughter to limit her dreams or to believe that she is less because she is female and I want to send her an example of not feeling limited.

All that being said, though,  being a working mom really sucks sometimes.

Greater...

A while ago, a friend posted a link to a new online study hosted by Melissa Taylor from Proverbs 31 Ministries.  Me, I love me an online study!  I find life so busy that I can't seem to find a good study group to attend these days and while Bible study is so important, I have a hard time justifying taking time away from my children.  Online Bible studies let me flex my learning muscles, learn from other people and, most important for me these days, give me deadlines to meet.  Given who I am, which you are about to find out, I must always meet a deadline so it keeps me going.

This study is called "Greater" and is built around Steven Furtick's book of the same name.  I haven't heard of him before but the summary sounded interesting.  The contrast between "greatness" and "greater" seemed intriguing.  I have to say, after reading chapter 1, I definitely think this book is for me.

When I was in school, I was eventually labeled "gifted" after being tested.  That sounds like a good thing, right?  Well it wasn't for me.  I am someone with a definite bent towards being a perfectionist and the "gifted" label upped the ante for me.  Not only did I have to do everything wonderfully, I felt like I had to do everything in a thoroughly spectacular way.  As I am sure you can imagine, that's a ridiculously high bar to set for yourself and leads to a great deal of heartache.  As I read the discussion of the meaning of "greater" rather than "best", I wanted to read more and as I realized that there was a message here that God would help me achieve that "greater" that is planned for me, I felt this tremendous sense of relief.  Maybe I don't have to push so hard all the time... Maybe I don't always have to lead everything, accomplish everything, be perfect at everything.  Frankly, all this striving has left me absolutely exhausted, burnt out and discouraged.  I will definitely keep reading, just to search for that change in my thinking.


I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in Me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.   ~ John 14:12 NIV84

I know I am supposed to answer what I think about this scripture passage for the week:  Frankly, I don't know what it means exactly.  How could I ever do anything greater than Jesus, even with God's help?  Maybe I'll know by the end of this study.

I can't wait to read everyone else's thoughts.

On Sarah's Bedside Table

I know, I know, I'm back, yet again.  I really don't have time for this blog but I love stopping in and often, I have something that I'm dying to say to SOMEONE and you are the best someone I know.  I'll try to be more regular around here but, frankly, we both know the chances of that.  If there's anyone still stopping around here once-in-a-while, thank you for your patience with me.

So, one of the reasons I haven't been around here much is that I have been reading.  Reading, reading and reading.  I have a pile of books at the side of my bed and I'm going through them as quickly as I can.  I'd like to address two of them right now.

The first, by Rachel Held Evans, is "A Year of Biblical Womanhood."  She's what I have heard described as "an evangelical, feminist blogger".  That in itself piqued my curiosity.  When I saw her book mentioned on another blog, I had to have it.  I'm so glad that I preordered it because I've had a hard time putting it down.

I've really questioned, for quite a while now, what it means to be a Christian woman.  That may sound silly but I've felt very lost.  The conservative right puts forward that I should not have a job outside the home, I should devote my life almost entirely to my husband and then my children (in that order), that I should be submissive and meek and that I should really not have an intelligent thought of my own.  The other side of the issue, as far as I can tell, seems to want to totally ignore all Biblical texts on womanhood and to state that I can just ignore Biblical teaching on womanhood.  Neither fits for me.

Along comes this book.  I would LOVE to do a discussion group with some Christian woman on this book sometime.  While I don't want to say too much right now as I'm tired and I don't want to do the book an injustice, I have to say that I LOVE some of the brilliant conclusions that she draws.  The section on the meaning of Proverbs 31 and the role it plays with Orthodox Jewish women felt right to me for the first time.  It's not merely a list of rules we should be following but, in truth, an homage to the creativity and capability of wives and mothers and women more generally.  We should be praising each other as "women of valour" and looking to see the valour in other women.  I LOVE that idea.  Thank you, 

Rachel, for your thoughtful, obviously scripture-loving exploration.  It drives me crazy when people reduce the Bible to a set of rules.  It's so nice to finally see a book that explores how we can approach scripture as so much more.

The other interesting book I am reading these days is "Almost Amish" by Nancy Sleeth.  She's is part of a couple who decided that they were going to leave their wealthy, materialistic life for a life more in keeping with their values - caring for our planet and showing love for God's creation while living with what they need, instead of what they want.  Frankly, at times, the book makes me feel shallow and greedy, which I am, but I have also found sections that really speak to me.  The chapter I read last night was focused on spending time in the natural world to build appreciation of God's glory and how reconnecting with the natural world (as the Amish do, living off the land and caring for animals), helps our mental state and our spiritual state.  It made me resolve to get outside more and to get the kids outside more.  Pk ad I spent the early part of the morning gluing our pinecone wreath we are making for Christmas.  It was lovely.

So, bloggy friends I follow, keep the lists of books coming!  Most of the books I enjoy most these days come from my blog reading (along with some of the best recipes, too!)  I would never have heard of these two books without you sharing.  Thank you!