This
morning, I was laying in bed and enjoying the chance not to have to
jump immediately into the frenzy of the day . Also, though, as I
tend to do, I was brooding and brooding about a conversation that
happened on my page yesterday (and why do I seem to specialize in
controversy?) As many have seen, I started a post with a mention of
bragging and it being rude and a few people needed to set me straight.
Nobody meant to and their comments were well-intentioned and thoughtful
but I still felt a bit... lesser. I also worried because we had been
with good friends yesterday and at one point, we had been talking about
the awesome success one of their kids was having at school. It was NOT a
boasting conversation at all, just a celebration of an amazing kid who
has clearly found his talents and we were all really excited to see him
thriving. I brooded because I was afraid that they might read my
comments and think that I was talking about them with bragging, which I
absolutely was NOT!
That’s when it hit me. I know what I need to give up for Lent. Judgement, especially of other parents.
We all do it and for me, it’s an occupational hazard. Teachers are
terrible for wanting to blame parents for everything that we see as
either a weakness in their children or an inconvenience to us. There’s a
movement in schools by teachers to criticize families for lunches that
are not healthy enough. Teachers judge parents for not following our
rules closely enough (such as sending treats for the class at
Valentine’s Day - didn’t they see the note saying no junk food for the
class this year?) We judge parents whose kids aren’t dressed for the
weather. We judge parents who don’t fill out the reading log correctly.
Facebook is the venue for so much judgement. I, for one, feel a bit
diminished every time I see an attack on “Pinterest” moms and their
extravagant parties and class treats. I gather it is seen as being my
need to impress other parents and to compete when I send in Valentines
that I see as being something special to show the kids I think they are
great. I’m not thinking about what anyone else is doing and I am not
doing to impress anyone but evidently, some parents, moms especially,
see that as my need to be the best. I see the criticisms of
“helicopter parents” who don’t let their kids have adventurous play
outside thanks to fear and I see the judgement of parents whose kids
aren’t closely supervised enough. We judge each other ALL THE TIME and
it leaves us all smaller for it.
At our study group on Wednesday night, we had an interesting discussion
about what Lent is all about and why people give things up. It was
interesting and got me thinking about something that I have just done
for years without really pondering. The definition I saw somewhere (I
wish I could remember where) afterwards when I did some follow up
reading, was that Lent was about simplifying and eliminating something
to make more room for God. That made a lot of sense to me. This
morning, as I thought about the emotional clutter and the distance
between people caused by our judgements, it became so clear to me. This
judgement of others, especially other moms, adds so much garbage to our
lives and to our relationships. If I can learn to get rid of that,
both from the standpoint of thinking with judgement of others and the
scars it leaves on me emotionally when I feel judged, there will be so
much more space for God and for love. That is what I want my Lent to be
this year - the chance to make more room for
Love.
I know this will be a hard one for me - I make judgements all the time
and it’s such an ingrained habit that it will take up a lot of emotional
time and discipline. I think, though, if I can be more aware of it and
more careful about not doing it to others, I will have so much more
emotional energy and space to love the wonderful people around
me .
