Opinions

What is it with people and unsolicited opinions????

As you know, we have been going through rather a rough time.  Dh has finally seen the doctor and she has put him on a mild antidepressant to help him to sleep at night.  It is working somewhat, much to my relief.

I have this cousin, he is a shiatsu therapist who considers himself a medical expert.  He is a crazy researcher.  Well, on Wednesday, for some stupid reason, Dh told him about being on medication.  (why, why why???).  So, in the last 24 hours I have gotten not one but two emails from him about how Dh should be on a different medication.  

I could cry.  I am really, really fragile at the moment.  My mother and father both commented on how fragile Dh seems at the moment and how that is so "un" him.  Mom's retirement prompted her to browse through old photos in her desk (of which she has MANY) and she has told me repeated this week that the photos just show her how unlike himself Dh is these days, that he used to always be smiling and happy and now, he just seems so on edge.  When I am already trying to convince myself things aren't really that bad, this just underscores for that me that they are.  While I keep trying to remind myself that we are doing what we can and at least our doctor is trying to help and dh will be seeing a psychiatrist next week, I already feel helpless and afraid.

When I got the email from this cousin, it just made me feel even more helpless and panicky.  I emailed back, thanked him for the information and basically just said that things are very difficult right now and while I appreciate the help, I need to trust someone and right now, that someone is my doctor and dh's psychiatrist.  He launched back at me an angry email about not putting one's head in the sand, etc... 

I feel so helpless.  Of course, I want Dh to be on the best medications with the best counselling and the best of everything.  I find it very hard that I have a hard time getting in touch with my doctor, that there are incredible wait lists for everything and that I know that anti-depressants are associated in suicide in the first little while with most depressed people.  I wish there was an easy solution and I so wish that our life together hadn't gone off on this little sidepath.  I feel so overwhelmed and then this is the kind of help I get.  I didn't mind the first message, it was an attempt at helping me.  To continue when I had expressly asked him to stop was rude and insensitive.  

Sorry, I guess this blog has turned into my personal whine.  I need that right now so if you want to stop reading, I won't be offended.