This is something that is a REAL struggle for me. We are doing a study of 1 Peter in our church Bible study. Last night we were in the later part of chapter 2 and the beginning of chapter 3. I sat and cried through much of it. Submission is not an easy thing for anybody but for me, it is at the core of my struggles these days.
I believe that there is a path for my life. I struggle a bit on this one - some Christians believe that everything is pre-ordained and they don't really have a choice. I don't believe that. I believe that God may give us opportunities or challenges designed to teach us or strengthen us or refine us but that we choose whether to be refined or whether to just get burnt in the fire. I should be more trusting that God has my best interests at heart but I am not good at that. I want things my way on my schedule and being flexible about the "grand plan" doesn't work for me. I have been feeling like this whole question to have another baby has totally taken over my life. Instead of learning how to say, "What will be, will be and it's up to me to find a way to be happy", I am so fixed on one path. That is the opposite of submission, I would say. I should change but quite frankly, I am struggling with the fact that I don't want to.
My other real struggle with submission is that of submitting to others (see the section on husbands and wives, slaves and masters...). While I see that there is a kind of power in submission, I feel like I am being called to submit to so many different people that submitting to one automatically means defying another. There is such a gray area between submission and integrity, I don't feel comfortable with this, at all.
So, what is your perception of submission? What does it mean to you?
Like you, I have a hard time going with the flow and not struggling to make things go according to my plan - and I always have a plan. I had a hard time coming to terms with The Bun being a boy, for example - a really hard time. I find I struggle against circumstances and turn them to my desire as much as possible, until I can't any more, and then acceptance is forced upon me.
ReplyDeleteSubmission to another person, I hate. I feels like being unequal, and I am convinced I am equal to anyone. Brash and conceited? Not what I mean. More that no one person should have to submit to another of equal stature, and that other than things like employer/employee situations or parent/child or teacher/child situations, where there is obvious and defined reasons and scope for a power relationship, I think people are of equal stature.
This does not preclude, though, giving up my way for reasons of respect or of taking turns to keep things fair, I suppose, so it is not as black and white as I paint it, but yes, it galls me to submit to another person.
I think sometimes that time and reached the max-out point of stress are sometimes the things that force us to accept, and that perhaps you are almost at that point? It may come when you don't expect it and maybe in the form of throwing up your hands in exasperation, submission in disguise.