Just when it seems to be sorted out...

I can't believe this - I have to laugh. I spent my entire pregnancy worried that I was going to face early induction due to high blood pressure. Just say the word "doctor's office" to me and my b.p. starts to climb. By the time I get in there, my heart is racing and most of the time, my b.p. is sky-high. It wasn't too bad with my G.P. since she and I get along really well and she really knows me and we tend to chat quite a bit so by the time it is taken, I am really at ease. My o.b. is wonderful but the first time I saw him, I was waiting on my glucose test results and since everyone was commenting on how huge I was, I assumed that I was going to come up diabetic and the idea terrified me. Typically, my sugars were totally fine but I had worked myself up so much that my b.p. was high. Because it was high the first time, every appointment after that, I was afraid it would be high, so it would be. My o.b. and I worked out that I would have a 20 minute "boredom time" in the exam room and I would buy a blood pressure cuff and take it at home daily. Since then, we have worked it out but of course, at the beginning of every appointment, it is always high.

Last week, I hit a new high and while it came down by the end of the appointment to being normal, my o.b. strongly suggested induction and a non-stress test at the hospital last Thursday. I got him to agree to wait until this week (I am 40 weeks on Thursday and the o.b. on call is one I like) despite the fact that my b.p. was obviously concerning him a bit. The n.s.t. was a totally stressful experience (why does being hooked up to a monitor push me over the edge like that???) and of course, the b.p. was sky high.

I went into the weekend knowing that induction this week was all but certain. I had somewhat mixed feelings. I do have an "ideal birth" in my mind (you know, quick, easy, no epidural, "natural" etc) and I feel a bit of guilt for allowing myself to let that go. I know that women rarely have babies bigger than they can deliver and heck, I have made it to 40 weeks, which is great. I feel a bit of guilt for copping out and going this route but to be honest, at this point, there is a lot to be said for the induction. I have the dogs taken care of, Pk arranged and in a way that isn't terribly stressful for her (drop her off at daycare on Thursday morning and she will just stay overnight and be picked up by either dh and I on Friday if things go well at the hospital or by dh's parents who are coming on Friday so that either way, she is taken care of), dh can arrange things at work and I don't have to be so afraid of knowing when to go to the hospital. For a control freak like me, it allows me about as much control as I can get without actually having a scheduled c-section (and not that I have a problem with people who choose to do that, especially those who have had a c-section before, I just want to be home and mobile as soon as possible so a c-section would interfere with those plans - and heck, I have already destroyed my pelvic floor, why wreck another part of my anatomy?) And, like it or not, I am afraid of an overly big baby, whether that is a certainty or not. Yes, ultrasounds are notoriously unreliable after a certain point but this is not my first baby, Pk was 9 lbs 1 oz and this is a second baby and a boy and we definitely have a family pattern of big babies. Whether my body "can" deliver a huge baby, do I really want to if I can go with a "large" baby, as opposed to a total goliath?

So, I went to the doc today feeling quite calm. Plans are made, things are organized and my week is probably set unless baby decides to come on his own early. My o.b. comes in, takes my b.p. and begins to laugh. "What is funny?" I asked. "Is it high?" His reply was, "You are really trying to make things complicated. Last week, induction was totally clear. Today, your b.p. is completely and totally normal. It's not so clear cut anymore." I couldn't believe it. We had a long chat and ultimately decided that induction still makes sense. Given that I am already dilating and having a lot of cramping and that the baby is big and my b.p. is "suspect" at times, we can certainly justify the induction. It's not like we are doing this for convenience (well, not totally) or that it is totally medically non-indicated. I do wonder if I am cheating a bit and taking the easy road but to be honest, I have hit that point of pregnancy where I don't want to be pregnant anymore and I feel like I need to move on. I have had enough stress and it's time to move to the next stage.

The best laid plans...