Gibor Chayil

Not too long ago, I finished reading Rachel Held Evans "A Year of Biblical Womanhood."  I've been wanting to write a post about it here as it was so earth-shifting for me.  As a Christian woman, I have struggled for so long with exactly what that means.  Coming from a mainline denomination, all of the discussions about women seemed to have happened before I came along and as I grew up in the church, we had embraced women in ministry and the discussion of gender roles seemed to have finished.  The older women were the only ones working in the kitchen and they ran the church sales but who did what and what women were supposed to do was never discussed.  The only materials I came across about what the role of women should be in life, in family and in the church only came my way when I discovered the blog world and was primarily very, very conservative.  It was hard to believe that for me to be living out my calling, I needed to be June Cleaver or to follow the teachings of John Piper (who probably has wonderful things to say on other topics but reading this post just cemented for me that he is not a kindred spirit of mine).  I saw a reference to "A Year of Biblical Womanhood" on Sarah Bessey's blog and it sounded interesting.  I was a bit hesitant but Sarah's perspective has always felt a bit like going home so if Sarah liked Rachel, I decided to give her a try.

I've been reluctant to discuss the book here too much because I have worried that I would say something that might misrepresent what Ms. Evans was trying to say.  In this time of constant mom-addled brain, I don't know that I can put into an articulate discussion what I was thinking.  What I can say, though, is that all I kept thinking as I read was, "Where was this book 20 years ago for me?"  I would have left so much guilt behind and I would have felt so much more liberation had I seen this perspective.  I'd like to give this book to every Christian woman I know and I am pleased to say that everyone I have convinced to read it has loved it as much as I have.

Her chapter on Proverbs 31 was one of the most exciting for me.  She had been corresponding with an Orthodox Rabbi's wife in Israel to get the Jewish perspective on some things and Proverbs 31 was one such area.  She learned that for Orthodox Jewish women, this was a way to offer praise to a woman who had done something special, "Eshet Chayil!"  I haven't been brave enough to say this to a friend but I definitely am surrounded by women who deserve it.

On Sarah Bessey's blog the other day, she coined a new term, "Gibor Chayil", man of valour.  I am definitely surrounded by a few of those, too.  I think one in particular would roll his eyes and mutter something about me getting weirder like my mother, but who really deserves it.

Dh.  He's the life of our party, the one who can always make me laugh, no matter how grim life is looking.  He's the one who can remind me of what matters when I get totally off track.  He's the life of the party, the after-the-meal dish do-er (I never had to do a dish after the meal when we entertain).  He's done more uncomplaining late night drives to walk-in clinics, after hours pharmacies and watched endless hours of mindless middle-of-the-night children's t.v. when someone won't sleep.  He shovels, mows, fixes and calls the accountant and bank (jobs that paralyze me with fear).  He teaches Sunday school, is always the first person to help at church and coaches the kids' soccer.  He models love and compassion to everyone and the only people he doesn't have time for are the high and mighty.  He drinks coffee by the jug and now that his gall bladder is gone, he eats more than his fair share of bacon.   His motto is that all he can worry about is whether his yard is tidy and that other people have to worry about their own.  He's the joy in my life, the laugh that I need most and the hero of our home.

Thanks, Love.  Gibor Chayil!  And thank you, Sarah, for reminding me that it needed to be said.

Lent

It's amazing, it feels like it was just Christmas and yet Lent is here.  Yesterday, we hosted a dinner for friends and celebrated and now, it's time for the change of pace.  Lent is upon us.

Do you mark Lent?  I have done many years of giving things up which, at the time, seemed like a good thing to do.  I'd have to say that my thinking has changed, though.  For me, I have come to the conclusion that giving up chocolate or iced caps or t.v. or Facebook or any of the other things I have attempted to give up hasn't really done anything to bring me closer to God or to lead me to more of an attitude of repentance.  That leaves me with a question - how do I mark the season of Lent?

I've been brooding over it for several days.  Today, driving home, I heard on CBC a promo for someone who was putting forward something to do with "40 Days of Good Deeds."  It seemed like a good idea for about five minutes but the more I pondered it, the more I wondered how it would be connected to Lent (and I have to say, I did not listen to the interview so I have no opinion on what this individual or organization has in mind).  As a Christian, does paying for the car in line behind me at the drive through or dropping off some food to a friend really bring me closer to God?  I don't in any way say that little kindnesses aren't good things but really, shouldn't we, as Christians, be looking to serve others all the time?  Shouldn't we be doing these things 365 days a year and in situations that require more of us?

It's funny, I have had several Christian friends criticize the public school system for the depth to which we explore the beliefs of other faiths.  For me, these encounters seem to bring me closer to my own faith, rather than to draw me away.  Recently, I had been teaching my class about Ramadan and the fact that Muslims aim to:
-read the Koran more often and in greater depth
-pray more
-repent from their sins
-care for those who are in need (not just the fellow middle class driver in line behind me at Tim's or Starbucks)
-endure some discomfort to bring one back to what one's relationship to God means

This actually sounds better to me than what I was planning so this is what I plan to do.  I have been praying more (and loving Richard Foster's Prayer: Finding the Heart's True Home, which is the incourage: Bloom book club selection right now - it's not too late to join) and striving to keep morning and evening prayers based on Common Prayer: A Litury for Ordinary Radicals.  I think that will be my focus for Lent - much prayer, much reflection and confession, looking for opportunities to help those who need and, most of all, not shying away from situations when they are uncomfortable.  It feels right to me and it would be wonderful, I think, to honour Easter with the sense that I have truly tried to be honest with myself and, more importantly, with my God.

As always, our ministers were brilliant.  Last year, at our Ash Wednesday service, we were each given a nail to carry for the duration of Lent.  On Good Friday, we hammered that nail into the cross, which was so symbolic.  This year, we all chose a rock to carry, a symbol of the weight that we carry of our sins and at Easter, the rock being rolled away and our weight being lifted.  What a powerful symbol and one that I hope will remind me of my purpose for these next 40 days.

Yarn Along?

I don't really suppose that this post can qualify as a "Yarn Along" post given that I don't have any yarn in the photos.  I haven't been in much of a mood to knit and the only thing I have been working on was a really boring knit dishcloth.  It's in a variegated yarn that isn't working up nicely in the pattern I am doing but frankly, I don't care a whole lot since it's a dishcloth and I plan to use it.  I love the hand-knit ones.  I know, that qualifies me officially as an old lady but I am not apologizing.  Sometimes, I just need to work on something mindless and that won't take me very long.

Part of the reason that I have been knitting "mindless" lately is that I have been massively overtired because I have been staying up too late reading.  I finished Diva's Don't Knit earlier this week (cute - think Bridget Jones meets the local stitch-n-bitch) and have been hopping around with several books.  I don't know why I can't pin myself down.

Here's the pile on the go right now -

The Irrational Season by Madeleine L'Engle, which is book three of the Crosswick Journals, which I am enjoying but which is a very heavy read

Mended by Angie Smith - devotional stuff that I am enjoying but needs some time for reflection, which I don't really have right now

Almost Amish by Nancy Sleeth, which I have been coming back to off and on for a while, which has many great ideas but is a bit earnest for my taste

and the two books for this week:

Jane Austen Ruined My Life by Beth Patillo and 

Greater by Steven Furtick

Jane Austen Ruined My Life was something that I stumbled across when I was at the library with the kids last week.  As soon as you say Jane Austen you have my attention and when I saw that our library had at least three books by the same author in what appears to be a series, I had to give it a try.  So far, I'm about 100 pages in and I am enjoying it.  It's a nice, light read and given that it's set in England and has a mystery at its centre, it's right up my alley.  I hope I continue to like it since I would be thrilled to have a few other books to which to look forward.

Greater by Steve Furtick was a recommendation to me by a good online friend who I met through an online Bible study group a few years ago.  I wasn't sure whether I would like it.  I have serious reservations about anything that smacks of the "prosperity gospel" (love God enough and He will give you lots of stuff as a reward and you don't need to feel guilty about it - I still haven't recovered from how offended I was by "The Prayer of Jabaz" that everyone was talking about a few years ago).  The title made me think that was what this might be but I was very wrong.  I found Steven Furtick very human, very real (I didn't come away with the idea that I am just not holy enough to achieve this) and it didn't seem like I was making a guaranteed deal with God (as in, if I'm good enough or believe enough, God will reward me).  This book addressed things like pride, loss of motivation, how to get started and to remember that we need to put ourselves into a space that makes it possible to serve God in the way that He intends.  It was a good read and I certainly plan to go back to it again down the road.

What are you reading right now?

Snowflake Playdate

When I was growing up, we didn't have people over much.  My parents were super-loving and devoted to God but to say that they were not devoted to decor or tidiness, for that matter, would be an understatement of the greatest extreme.  It left me with a bit of a fear of entertaining - I get so nervous that people will think our house is a mess or that we aren't hospitable.  Silly, I know, given that the people that one generally invites to ones home tend to be people who one loves but there it is.  It's been something that I am determined to overcome, especially since I view hospitality as something that can be an outward show of my faith.

Pk is always asking to have friends over for playdates and since we are so busy (and overscheduled these days :-(  ), we just never seem to get around to it.  Then, over Christmas I had an idea.  Instead of trying to fit in a playdate here and there, once a month, we would have a "playdate party" and invite several friends.  It also lets me play around on Pinterest, one of my favourite pastimes, so we all win.

We had our first playdate party today and I would say that it was a raging success.  We decided to call it a "snowflake party."  I invited four girls and told their moms that they could stay or go, whichever they preferred.  Three of the four opted to stay and one of the nicest parts of the day for me what having a good visit with the moms.  It's terrific to have girlies old enough to play on their own now!

They had some free time together and then, we did some crafts.  I had three planned and we only got to two since we kind of ran off the rails with the glitter - I often forget that girls and glitter are a match made in heaven!

We started with these marshmallow snowflakes ("can I eat one? just one mommy?) which were a huge hit and then we moved onto these glitter snowflakes.  Needless to say, the table was covered in glitter (thank goodness I just had a dollar store tablecloth down, I just wrapped it all up and out it went).  I wanted to make these pipecleaner snowflakes, I thought they were really, really cute but the "My Little Ponies" and the princess costumes were calling and the girls just couldn't stay sitting any longer.

I also had lots of snowflake fun with the food.  We had snowflake tortillas, snowflake quesadillas and I cut the coldcuts, the cheese and the bread with my large snowflake cookie cutter so the girls could make their own snowflake sandwiches.  I rounded it out with some veggies and some fruit and some Babybel cheese and we had a feast perfect for a five year old.  Needless to say, I had fun with dessert too - there were hot chocolate and marshmallow cupcakes, marshmallow wands (Pk's favourite treat ever) and homemade marshmallows (which were meant for hot chocolate had we played outside in snow but the weather didn't cooperate).

I have to say, I found this party to be so enjoyable and people stayed way past the "finish" time so I am going to assume that we will do this again.  I know that Pk loved it and I think the moms really had fun just getting a chance to sit and chat.  This is definitely something that I want to repeat and there were plans today for a movie and pyjama party theme the next time round.  Guess I had better spend some time on Pinterest, LOL!

Yarn Along

I haven't been around here for this for a long time and really, given my lack of photography skills and my crappy camera, I really don't belong here but I must admit, I LOVE doing this.  Knitting and reading are two of my favourite things, especially when life is chaotic.  It's nice to be back.

As you can see from my photo, I seem to have having some trouble committing these days.  In terms of knitting, I finished not one but two of the Jared Flood Guernsey Wraps for Christmas gifts (note to self: I must make myself one someday but I honestly needed a break) and since then, I have been wandering a bit.  I made Pk a matching scarf/hat thing for her and for her Jenna doll (that's another post) and I've been doing some dishcloths and I have been printing off all kinds of patterns.  I debated making this or this or this but finally, I think I have settled on Jared Flood's Topiary, which I have started twice now.  It's a charted pattern and I often find they take me a few false starts before I really get them going and this one is no exception.  I don't know much about Jared Flood (or, to quote my English Father-in-law, "Who's he when he's at home?"), but his designs are gorgeous!

I've been no better with books.  I finished "The Year of Biblical Womanhood" by Rachel Held Evans (another post - it was BRILLIANT!) and Kathy Reichs newest, which was also super and I've been wandering since.  I had finished the first two books of The Crosswicks Journals by Madeleine L'Engle, which I had adored, and now I am on to book three.  It's good and I love the way her mind wanders but she loosely bases each chapter on a segment of the liturgical year.  We follow the year to some extent but not the way that Anglicans do and I'm finding it a bit harder to follow.  I'm also still reading "Almost Amish" by Nancy Sleeth.  I go back and forth on this book.  She has many great ideas and inspires me to living greater simplicity but I also am finding it a bit earnest, if that makes sense.  Yes, we need to live wisely and thoughtfully and frugally but there is a point at which it beings to feel a bit stark to me.  Finally, for some light reading, there is "Diva's Don't Knit" by Gil McNeil.  It's cute - think Bridget Jones meets any one of the yarn store novels that are out there these days.  I like it but it certainly wouldn't go on any top ten lists.

I can't wait to see what everyone else is knitting and reading!

Happy 2013

Be Still...

This is going to be my "word" for the year (although since it's two words, I hope it still counts!)  Life for me has been going at too fast a pace over the last few months and I feel like all I do is rush.  The rushing leads to not living life the way that I would like and much of the time, I am frazzled, frustrated and exhausted.  My aim for this year is to slow down, just a bit.  I want to focus on savouring the small moments, looking for rest and having fairer expectations of myself.  I know that resolutions don't often get kept but I also think that once in a while, it's not a bad thing to look at life and think about ways that it can improve.  Here are my goals for 2013:

1.  Slow down.  As myself whether I really need to be committing to whatever it is.  Build in some quiet times and block off some time each week to have a time at home with nothing planned.

2.  Pray.  I just finished reading The Year of Biblical Womanhood, which I have been savouring all fall, and that was something that kept coming back to me.  I don't make enough time for reading scripture, praying and reflecting.  My guide for the year is Common Prayer:  A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals which is a fantastic book that I have been using more and more.  I want a daily prayer and scripture time twice daily.

3.  Make time for friendship.  I have become fairly good and making time for my local friends since that it easier to make happen but I have to old and very, very precious friends who live further away who seem to be left behind in the busyness of life.  Kittenpie and W, I am going to work harder and giving you the priority to deserve since you are like my sisters and your presence in my life means more than I ever let you know.

4.  Manage my resources better.  One facet of the rushing thing is that I don't make my decisions very wisely at times.  I want to focus on saving and reducing debt and not using spending as a way to soothe myself (I am a bad impulse shopper) or to make myself feel more like I fit in.

5.  Be more mindful about diet and exercise.  In the frantic pace of life, while we don't tend to eat too badly, I eat mindlessly, snacking too much, eating crap in the afternoon since I didn't put enough effort into making a satisfying lunch and letting myself get too tired so I eat to get by.  We also are doing a farm share and I would like to put more of the emphasis back onto eating our farm share food and seeking out fair trade products and local food and to avoid all processed foods whenever possible.  I was fairly good about exercise in the fall and I want to keep that up.

6.  READ.  I have a huge pile of books beside my bed that I am dying to get through and so many things I have at the library that I want to read.  I want to consciously make more time for reading this year.

So, there you have it.  I'm going to view these as goals rather than resolutions since, once I break them, a goal feels more like something that I can try again.  I hope that you are able to achieve all of the things that you set out for yourself this year and that you are able to be still and enjoy the moments you are given

Happy 2013!

The Best of Times and the Worst of Times

Last Wednesday night, my very good friend lost her dad to cancer.  It's been such a long road for her and, as an only child and with a mother in the early stages of dementia, it's not going to be much easier for her in the near future.  I often find it amazing to see the things I learn out of situations like this.  I thought I would share a few things I have noticed:

1.  Crisis always shows you who your friends really are.  There are people who we think of as only acquaintances who step forward with amazing kindness and generosity and there are people who are supposed to love you who manage to be a.w.o.l.

2.  Friends truly can be family.  My friend whose father died, J, has a best friend from primary school, S.  Dh has joked for years that everyone needs an "Aunt S" because she always spoils everyone.  During this, I truly got to see why everyone needs an "Aunt S" - she did everything from help to buy the space in the cemetery to shopping for a dark outfit for J's son (who is very large for his age, so she bought sizes 7, 8, 9 and 10, just in case).  She took on so much of the work and her sole mission was to be there for J.  She's a very special person.

3.  I sometimes wonder how strong my faith is and whether I have too many doubts.  It was so interesting.  It was a Catholic funeral and I found myself wanting to yell out a few times, as we begged God to accept my friends' father, "Do you believe in Salvation or not?"  This is sad for those left behind but we should know that there is something wonderful and exciting and new and transitional happening here.  My husband grew up in the Salvation Army and the funerals are very different - a "promotion to glory" and they even clap the casket out of the church.  I want that!

4.  When the grandson, who is five, walked down the aisle carrying the stuffed dog that Pk insisted we buy him the other day, my heart melted.  How did she know what it was that he needed?

5.  God is there in the small things.  We brought our friends' son back to our house after the funeral and we cooked a big dinner to feed them when they arrived to pick him up.  As we finished the main course (and I didn't have anything prepared for dessert), the doorbell rang and there was my friend's husband with a tray of fresh cookies.  I had taken her a tray of food when she had gallbladder surgery three weeks ago so she had sent her husband back with the pan, filled of course.  We had a lovely end to the meal with yummy cookies and tea and I think we all got a chance to decompress.  It's funny but it's the little moments like that which linger for me from times like this.

I'm exhausted and it was draining but it means so much TO ME that we were able to be there for her.  I remember at some point, in a course, an argument about whether people can ever do anything that is truly altruistic or whether, deep down, we are always looking for something for ourselves.  In this case, I actually feel kind of guilty - it felt so good to be able to feel like we were doing something to help someone who was suffering.