Saturday, August 28, 2010

Millionaire's Family

What's with that? I have people say to me regularly how lucky we are to have the "millionaire's family". People assume that having a boy and a girl is every parents' dream. I love both my children, don't get me wrong, and I know people think they are being nice but the comments about the gender of my children make me a bit grouchy. Would I have been less lucky if I had another girl instead of my little Baby Bean? Would I have loved her any less? It's even worse in the family because my s.i.l. has two girls and so everyone at my in-laws' church commented on how wonderful it is that they finally have a grandson. I have to say that my parents-in-law are being really great about this. I know that deep down, they are thrilled to finally have a grandson, especially since he is their son's son and the family name will carry on but they are not playing favourites - Pk still gets spoiled rotten even though she is the third granddaughter (although my introverts f.i.l. struggles not to be driven insane by her constant chatter - I guess my other nieces weren't quite as vocal). I do worry a bit because my m.i.l. raves about Baby Bean to everyone who will listen and especially to my s.i.l., it might feel like he is getting special treatment. I wouldn't want anyone, s.i.l. or my nieces, to feel lesser for being girls.

It is nice to get to experience both genders but in my case, the one thing that is making me hesitate about definitively saying that we won't have any more children is that I would love another girl (I ADORE my little boy but I would rather have a second girl than a second boy - a good reason not to have a third in case I didn't get my wish). I never had a sister and always dreamed of having that built-in friend and would love that for Pk.

While I am venting, the other thing that drives me crazy are the questions about whether Baby Bean is a "good" baby. Again, I understand that people are asking in kindness, wanting my life not to be too complicated. On the other hand, there is a value judgement about a "good" or a "bad" baby. When Pk was so difficult, never sleeping, refusing a bottle, not napping, etc., it used to drive me crazy. Saying she was a "bad" baby implied that she was somehow inferior to other babies in my mind. It wasn't her fault that her brain just wasn't wired the way other babies are (and, according to a number of statistics I have read, gifted children are often very difficult babies, not that I am saying she is gifted). Babies have reflux, the world is a large and scary place after the comfort of the womb and teething pain is awful. It bothers me that in a way, the implication is made that being a difficult baby is a reflection on character.

Enough grouching. Enjoy your children, whatever the gender!


  1. This is quite timely for me :) I imagine the people saying those things are maybe people who had only one gender? It's no secret I was hoping for a girl, but I know it doesn't matter in the end, a boy will steal my heart just as fast and as long as I don't try to paint his nails we'll be doing fantastic! HA! :) (and I'm totally jealous of your fall weather coming, it is sooo hot here!)

  2. If I am totally honest, I did want a boy the second time round and (too much information), we were following the guidelines for how to have a boy (which obviously worked). On the other hand, though, I honestly believe that I would have been happy with another girl. I am sure that you will love your son the second you meet him :-). It can be hard when you have a picture in your mind of what (or who) will happen.

  3. I wanted a boy so bad for my husband's sake...he is the only boy in a family of 7 children and always wanted a brother. So I went through the shock and disappointment when we found out our first was a girl. I went out and bought some pink clothes and soon I was excited to have a little girl. Growing up, I was even very definitive about boy's names, but not really girls. Then the second time around, we both wanted another girl. I'm sure some people look at us and wonder if we will try for a boy - especially those that know Kevin has 6 sisters. We have considered adoption, and if we had our choice, we would choose another girl. I think it's pretty cool that God is the one who ultimately designs our families and gives us what He wants us to have.

  4. hmmm.. never thought of it before... good baby vs bad baby. Aren't they all babies after all? And all babies are going to cry and poop and wake at night, and need to be fed... and all babies will mean our lives will change, but it's always for the better. I cannot imagine my life without my babies.

    As for the boy/girl million dollar family... I hear you. I love both my kids, but I don't think I'd have been disappointed with a second girl. It's funny the comments people say sometimes. And it's funny how personally we can take those comments in the beginning! Funny... but not funny...

    Isn't a growing family so much fun? I love it... difficult times included! :)

  5. I get annoyed by the same thing, not only because |I totally wanted a girl for the same reasons you mention, but also because honestly? Family name? What century are we in, here? PP can keep her name, and beyond that, their last name is so freaking common, it's in NO DANGER.

    The thing about good babies makes me nuts, too, and makes me careful to always ask if the baby is easy instead. Yes, I want to know things are going for the new mom, but I also know some babies are just more of a challenge to deal with than others.

  6. Kittenpie, you always can make me laugh. You are right, that last name isn't going anywhere...