Little Joys post 5

Little Joys post 4

Finding joy has continued to be a bit of a challenge.  Between a burst pipe in our basement, a strange medication reaction for me and a migrane of the tallest order, I had to look a little bit harder for those bits of joy.  Have you ever found, though, that during the hard times, the little things seem more special?  That was definitely how it went for me!

First of all, no running water has a very long list of hazards.  Not being able to shower being top on that list.  Lucky for us, we happened to be dog sitting for a good friend who was away at a dog show.  Her house just happened to be empty and she just happens to be wonderfully generous.  After a quick email to her, we had access to a wonderful soaker tub with jets (rockets, as Pk loves to call them) and a shower.  Needless to say, we all availed ourselves of the luxuries!

Secondly, we went to ride the local Easter bunny steam train.  We did that with Pk when she was about 2 1/2 (the same age Lb is now) and she was TERRIFIED of the bunny.  The pink hat she is wearing was bought for her by my dad on that outing.  She was determined to show that she was no longer scared and she did a great job (although her eyes were like saucers when the bunny first arrived).  She very proudly announced to me that "it wasn't a real bunny anyway, just a person dressed up."  It was so much fun to do the train again and to see Lb jumping with glee and our lovely niece helping to make it a special day for everyone.

We went back to Dh's sister's house for dinner and had fun.  I had flexed my "pinterest muscles" a bit and made jello eggs (which were surprisingly yummy and got lots of "oohs" and "aahs" and the meal was great.  Pk adored getting to sit on her uncle's motorcycle.

Sadly, it was during dinner that the migrane hit.  One bit of gratitude was that I didn't throw up on the way home!

Happy Easter!

Little Joys, Day 3

Today did not start out as a day for joy.  Lb had a HORRIBLE night and managed to keep both Dh and I up for a good part of the night and then, the water that was slowly trickling in (we assumed it was a leak from spring - it happened last year and while Dh fixed last year's leak beautifully, it seemed like this was coming from a different spot) became more of a gush.  I was not in my happy place so finding the little joys was not an easy task.

Fortunately, I am married to an amazing man who ordered me out to walk the dogs and get some time by myself and immediately, things began to turn around.  I don't know whether everyone finds this but I love dog walking people.  They are so friendly, especially early in the morning on a holiday when we are the only people awake.  People look rough, stumbling around the field gripping coffees for dear life and hoping not to run into anyone who would judge our bedhead.  As usual, I met some lovely, coffee-gripping people and felt my faith in humanity restored someone.  Neither dog rolled in anything nasty or met a skunk either, so it was a good outing all around.

Our church was having an evening drama presentation so we opted to meet up with Dh's parents, sister and her husband and our niece at their church.  It was a great service and amazingly, Lb was really good for most of it (although, at the end, when it was at its most poignant, he did start loudly saying, "Go home, now."  I was hoping that people would think he was talking about Jesus :-)

After the service, it was decided that my niece, M, would come back with us for part of the afternoon.  I have to admit, that ended up being such a joy.  She's a sweetie, first of all and secondly, it always pleases me when we have unexpected company and I can pull it off.  I did not grow up in a home that entertained anyone outside of a few elderly aunts and for the longest time, I found having people here stressful.  I've worked really hard to overcome that because I do want to have a home that is welcoming and especially for the younger crowd, a place where they can come to feel safe and loved and accepted.  We had a great lunch and she helped us with several wonderful Pinterest Easter treats that will be more meaningful for her now at the family dinner tomorrow since she helped put them together.

 She also has a marvelous sense of humour and since it was her birthday earlier in the week, we bought cupcakes.  Unfortunately, it didn't occur to me to get candles but she willingly made due with a number 5.

The best part?  Dancing around the kitchen together to Harry Belafonte.  That's a memory that I will treasure.

Finding More Joy

I love Holy Week.  It's challenging, at times, but it keeps things focused in a way that I find harder to achieve at Christmas.  We use to have an amazing minister back in the city who knew how to "do" Holy Week like nobody else.  I can remember so many meaningful Maundy Thursday communion services, powerful Good Friday services and Easter sunrise services that really made me feel as if something fantastic had happened.  He had his eccentricities but he made it all so significant for all of us.

I love our church here but sadly, Holy Week just isn't the same.  I don't want to find another church so we are trying to make Easter more special.  I'm going to seem a bit like a hypocrite when I say that I want Easter to be focused on Jesus and than share photos of Easter bunny activities.  Honestly, there is a purpose to this.  Pk and Lb get treats and so I have made it a mission of mine to be sure that whenever they are getting, they are giving, as well.  We have done eggs for all of their good friends and we thought that last night would be a fun time for delivery.  Pk had the brilliant idea of wearing her bunny ears and Lb actually joined in the spirit of it all.  Other than a few moments of wanting to kill when milk was spilled all over the basket of eggs and caused some of the ink to run on the tags, we had a lot of fun.  My life seems to be overfull of those kinds of frustrations at the moment, which I why I am trying to hard to find the joy.  As you can see form the pics, we had a great time!

Another aspect of my attempts for make Easter Week special was our special Maundy Thursday dinner.  In the past, I have tried doing a Christian seder dinner, which can be meaningful but, as the kids are so young, usually ends up in being a bit of a exercise in frustration.  This year, I decided to simplify.  We watched out DVD Bible segment on Holy Week and I discussed the Last Supper with the kids while we watched.  During dinner, we included bread and "wine" on the menu and drank for special cups and we discussed why we would do that.  Pk remembered watching our ministers break the bread at church during communion and she wanted to do that too.

We ended the evening with some baking.  It was fun but also highly unsuccessful - we tried to make coconut macaroons as nests for our eggs.  Sadly, they ran all over the place and I discovered that Pk hates the smell of coconut (and was less than gracious about it).  At least we had fun.

This was probably the loveliest moment of the day - I love how much Pk loves her little rabbit.  I went in to take a photo of Pk and our friend's dog who is staying with us and when I uploaded the photos, I noticed the scruffy little rabbit face peeking out.  Everyone needs a friend like that.

Finding Joy

I went to our local Christian bookstore (I LOVE bookstores - I can't resist and I wanted to pick some things up for the kids' Easter baskets).  I try to keep Easter as Christ-focused as possible but I also don't want to turn into one of those joyless Christians who throw out all of the fun and make their kids think that to be Christian is to be dour and depressing (so, to all of those of you this week who have told me that you wish you didn't have to do candy at all and this is all just a waste, bah - my parents did the most Christian Easter of all when I was growing up and we still have chocolate and loved it).  Anyway, they had a sale on and I just had to pick up this book.

I'm a huge lover of hymns.  Many of my moments of closeness with God have come during songs (hence why you will so often see me crying during hymns in church).  This book was $5.99 and has a daily devotion tied to a hymn.  How could you go wrong?

Yesterday's reading was about joy and that we will approach the Father with gladness and singing.  I think I needed that.  If truth be told, while I have moments of joy, I do tend to be a "glass-half-empty" kind of person.  I get overwhelmed easily and while I keep going and to most people on the outside, I seem happy, I struggle a lot with feeling bogged down by life.  This reading lead me to a decision.  I am going to try to get back to blogging and to take at least one photo a day to capture something wonderful.  When I really think about it, while my house is nothing special and none of us are going to win a Nobel prize, I have so much and there are so many times in a day when I am amazed at just how lucky I am.   It's time to get myself more focused on capturing that.  

So, here goes.  Day 1.

LB woke up with a nagging cough and a VERY grouchy mood.  I debated whether to go to work and send him to daycare but after checking my sick days and seeing that I am o.k., I decided that I would stay home with him.  Me being home = sheer joy for Pk - we were able to walk her to school rather than her taking the bus.  I wish you could have seen how proud she was.  We took an Easter Lily for her teacher and for her sharing, she shared the book "The Parable of the Easter Lily" (Liz Curtis Hicks).  Pk wanted to take a very Jesus oriented book and while I agree that Pk should be able to do that (I would read it if something similar came into my classroom), I didn't think that was fair to spring on her teacher at the last minute so this wonderful book was a perfect choice - it let Pk share her faith without being too dogmatic for a public school classroom.  Pk marched along, telling every stranger in town that this huge plant (which she insisted on carrying) was for her teacher and that her brother was sick so her special treat was that mommy was walking her to school.

The sun was streaming through the trees, which just made my heart sing.

While LB watched his movies (that is the only way to contain him to rest), I worked on eggs.  And eggs.  And eggs.  I wanted to do something for the Children's Worship kids at church and luckily, Mamma Jenn posted a link on her page to some wonderful printable Jelly Bean prayer cards.  I filled each egg with jelly beans and we will hand them out on Sunday.

We also did eggs filled with chocolates and jelly beans for the Pk and Lb's friends.  I love doing stuff like this.

Yarn Along

I love Ginny's weekly "Yarn Along" but I don't seem to be keeping up much lately.  I have such great plans to get to my blog but it doesn't happen.  Oh, well, I'm here this week.

As you can see, I have quite a lot going on.  One of my resolutions this year was to read more and that I have been doing.  First of all, I am participating in two online book studies - Let. It. Go. by Karen Ehman over at Proverbs 31 and Prayer: Finding the Heart's True Home by Richard Foster over at encourage: bloom.  Of course, I also have to read for fun and so I have an English mystery, Dead Simple by Peter James (an author suggested by a friend - the jury is out on what I think at this point) and Meet the Austins by Madeleine L'Engle.  L'Engle is probably my favourite author of all time and since I have finished her four volume Crosswick Journals,  I have been starting to read all of her fiction again.  I've never read any of her Wrinkle in Time series (I have no interest in science fiction) but I love everything else she writes.  I just finished  A House Like a Lotus, which was my absolute favourite book as a teenager and happily, it stood the test of time and age for me.  I have been combing Abebooks.com and am trying to pick up her books one by one used and now have the entire Austin family chronicles to enjoy.

Of the two studies, I have to say that Prayer has grabbed me much more, which is interesting as it is certainly the more challenging read.  There's nothing wrong with Let. It. Go. - for some reason, though, I just haven't connected with it the same way.  The chapter on mothering was good (once I got past the discipline portion - not Mrs. Ehmen's but that of some of her friends) but otherwise, I just haven't connected to it.  Yes, I have some issues with being controlling but I do think that circumstances in the last few years have taught me, to a large degree, that I can only do so much and the rest I have to just accept.   Sometimes, I think that being Canadian, there are aspects of American Christianity that just passes over me.

Prayer, on the other hand, has grabbed me in so many ways.  To be honest, I didn't think it would be all that interesting.  Prayer is not a strength of mine - being quiet and contemplative is not a natural thing for me, AT ALL.  I have been working with Common Prayer:  A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals and doing twice daily prayer sessions but I was leaning toward thinking that was enough for now.  Reading Prayer has totally change that for me.  I am seeing how many different kinds of prayer that there actually is and that there are so many ways that I can make my prayer more meaningful.  There are too many things that have grabbed me to write about them all here but one thing I thought I would share is that I am focusing more heavily on 1. times of solitude (and all of you mothers of young children realise just was a challenge that is) and having a prayer space.  My desk, which belonged to my grandfather, is most definitely my place of contemplation.  I LOVE this spot and while it may seem like chaos to other people, it is the place where I feel the most that I am me.  I am also trying to focus more on Sacramental and Liturgical prayer and prayers of Adoration.  I am going to work on memorizing and praying through various Psalms that really speak to me.  I'm going to start with Psalm 8, which is the favourite of my father-in-law.

I've also, for a while, been focusing on gratitude.  I just thought I would throw in this photo of my favourite mugs.  My lovely and thoughtful friend got them for me in England and I love them.  I have a "thing" for birds, especially in winter and I love the simple, English robins.

My knitting is very basic at the moment.  We have friends whose 4 year old son just had very serious surgery.  His story is theirs to tell but I fell in love with the idea of making him a blanket to wrap him in love.  It's a simple set of garter stitch scarves made of blocks and sewn together.  I just wish that I had more time to knit because it's working up much more slowly than I would like.

Let. It. Go.Chapter 5 - Christian Parenting

I've been doing this study over at Proverbs 31 Ministries on Let. It. Go. by Karen Ehmen.  I love me any kind of online book study and since I really, really liked their Greater study earlier this year, I decided to keep going on with them.  I have to be honest, I've had trouble connecting with this book.

So frequently, I have this problem.  1.  I am not American.  2.  I am not from a Southern Baptist-type tradition.  3.  I come from a liberal background.  4.  I grew up in a city, not a small town.  5.  My parents are highly educated and brought a very "intelligentsia" take onto things like parenting.  It makes it really hard for me to identify with the approach of so many books, often with anything to do with gender, certainly to do wit politics and most especially to do with parenting.  I don't know anyone who spanks and I know very few people who were spanked as kids.  Our parents may not have been hard core granola crunchers but there are certain things that would just not have happened in our homes and beating children was one of them.  Mrs. Ehman seriously almost lost me at the beginning of the chapter when she said that she felt somehow inadequate with her spirited child when the children of those around her were so well-behaved.  Parents started offering advice like "not letting the child run the family," (the attachment mommy in me started to really squirm at that point) and then, when she said that she was shocked at "friends" who she discovered would hit their children with some kind of cane, I seriously almost left the book.  Not only would I be shocked but I would be calling Children's Aid.  How anyone could call themselves a Christian and beat a child just leaves me cold.  I hesitate to read Christian parenting books because I am always so afraid that scripture will be so horribly twisted to justify acts of violence against helpless children (thank you so much, Dr. Sears, for proving to me that I can be a compassionate parent and a Christian and to Tim Kimmel for the beautiful "Grace-based Parenting")

I am glad that I did persevere because as I read on, I did find some things here that were definitely for me.  Yes, I do worry constantly about what other people are thinking.  You would think that after 40 years on this planet, I would have learned that everyone has an opinion and that I will never be right with everyone and that I should just follow what I know to be right.  Sadly, I have this annoying little battle going on in me all the time - one side gives me this very, very strong sense of what is right and I can't compromise on that and the other is telling me that I should be making everyone happy.  In terms of parenting, so many of my least fine moments come as a result of the conflict between these voices.  There are days when I think that poor Pk must be losing her mind trying to read me as I try to be the understanding, grace filled mama and yet I rail on about the state of her room or whether she handed in her library book at school or whether she listened well enough at piano.  Seriously, I loved Mrs. Ehman's lists of questions to ask ourselves when we find ourselves engaged in one of those situations or struggles with our children.  How important is this, really?  Is this worth the toll on my relationship with my child?  What message am I really giving my child about what matters?  Obviously, there are times that there is no wiggle room, when we are talking about issues that go to our basic values as a family, like treating others with respect, generosity, compassion.  On the other hand, though, do I really need to fight about how she is going to wear her hair, whether the shirt she is determined to wear matches the rest of her outfit or whether someone might think I wasn't being responsible enough in packing "the right' kind of lunch?  

Another insight that has come to me thanks to my pondering this chapter is that for me, so much of my micromanaging and need for control has to do with time.  This isn't surprising that I have identified slowing down as being one of my biggest goals for this year.  Be Still is the phrase I am trying to dwell on and see how I can incorporate into my living of my daily life.  So much of the time when I have conflict with my kids, it's because either I have over-committed and am rushing to get through everything ( an ongoing struggle of mine) or that I am trying to prove that I can manage it all and that I'm up to it (which also probably goes back to some guilty about working full-time and parenting).  I don't have any answers on this but it certainly will make me more aware that I need to be asking myself why I am feeling like something is so important.