Sunday, June 13, 2010

Life in Plan B

What a day. As you know, my mother came up to watch Pk. She has been erratic lately and we have been wondering what was going on. She used to be very helpful but this time, she has really gotten in the way - sleeping a lot of the time, leaving the house a mess and really, really scatterbrained (right down to not being able to put a bag of milk in a milkjug - I almost killed her the other night when I was getting ready for bed and she managed to dump milk all over the fridge and I had to spend half an hour scrubbing everything down, washing it all and even doing all the crispers and all because she hadn't put the bag in right - I didn't think it took a degree to see that the bag was almost half-way out of the jug). I have been feeling really ungrateful and grouchy because she wants to help but on the other hand, I wasn't even sure I felt like I could leave Pk with her.

Yesterday, dad came up and mom admitted that she hasn't been feeling very well (no, really???) Next thing we knew, this morning, we all piled in the car to drive she and dad back down to the city - she had decided that she wasn't well enough to stay. I had a hard time not crying (which probably wasn't the safest thing given that I was driving - my parents don't drive). I was so overwhelmed by feeling selfish and guilty but also, trying not to panic - I am not feeling right (the pressure from the baby and the constant braxton-hicks really makes me think that it is going to be anytime) and my childcare was driving away. I think I told you, Pippa's sitter has said that she will take her for us but she isn't back from a trip to the U.S until sometime tomorrow. And, to top it all off, the good friend of ours who always takes the dogs for us leaves for California on Tuesday and with two Brittanys, who are fairly active, we can't just ask any neighbour to come in to take care of them. It was all I could do not to just break down and sob and yet, I felt so nasty and petty and selfish.

I am a bit better now. Dh helped me to see that in the long run, this is probably for the best. If mom had been watching Pk while we were at the hospital, we wouldn't have felt entirely secure. We at least have the dog situation dealt with - we thought about a kennel but had worried about 1. the high cost and 2. getting the dogs there when we knew we needed a hospital. Just on the off chance, I gave the kennel we usually use a call and they were fantastic (so often, when I am feeling the most panicked, the most wonderful people step up to help us). They gave us an AMAZING rate for the week, we willing to take the dogs today until next weekend (or longer, if need be) and just kept telling us not to worry, that had things under control. I couldn't find the dog's vax certificates and they were o.k. with using the ones on file - I can't tell you what a relief it is to know that the dogs are settled. It's hard having them away but at least I know they are safe, comfortable (they have an indoor/outdoor run and the indoor area is air-conditioned and cozy and they are together) and I don't have dogs underfoot when I am trying to deal with labour. The only awful part was leaving the kennel - I always have a hard time leaving them, even when I know that they are wonderfully cared for and when Pk started wailing, "My Chelsea! My Chelsea! I need my Chelsea", my poor hormonal heart thought it would break.

I am still pretty worried about Pk's care - I have no worries about her going to J's but I just hope my body will hold out and as I have said here before, I have trouble asking for help so I feel really guilty about asking J to do this for us. A friend told me that they usually don't keep you at the hospital longer than 24 - 36 hours for a vaginal delivery of a second child, so please, cross your fingers for me that all goes well and we can be home quickly. We had hoped that dh would be able to stay at the hospital with me and I have already resigned myself to the fact that, if anything goes funny, I will probably be there on my own so he can come home and be here for Pk at night. At least he will be there for the birth - when mom left this morning, I was trying to resign myself to the fact that if we couldn't round up childcare for Pk tonight/tomorrow, I would just have to deliver on my own with the doula and dh would come home with Pk. Yes, I do have a bad habit of moving to the worst case scenario and hormones with a bit of fear thrown in don't help.

Say a prayer for me that all goes well. I am trying not to let fear of how to manage it all spoil what should be an exciting time but I am having a bit of a hard time. Also, please pray that mom will deal with whatever is wrong. I think she has finally had to admit that she needs to deal with her doctor about her medications and how she is feeling. I think she gets scared (definitely a family trait) but unlike me, who goes into work mode and tries to fix things, mom tries to deny and lets things get totally out of hand. I would like her to be around for many years yet and I hope she will be willing to do whatever is necessary to heal herself.


  1. Oh, honey. I wish I were with you right now. What a lot to be worrying about at an already stressful time. I know that especially with your history of your dad's health, you must be completely freaking out to think that your mom might be having troubles - I hope and trust she will be alright.

    It always does seem to come all at once, doesn't it, and never really end? We have the busiest weeks of the year and Misterpie's dad's second busiest time is right now, as businesses file taxes on Tuesday, and he had a heart attack this weekend and oh yeah, Pumpkinpie also had a fever all weekend and I was feeling crap, too. All at once, as usual.

    I know, though, that you will get through this and in a few weeks, you will look back and wonder how you did that, and realize how resilient you really are. I have total faith in you pushing through, even as you spin disaster scenarios. (I do the same - I swear it's a defense mechanism so that what happens never seems as bad as what could have been!)

    It's a few weeks off still, but I have the first week of July off, so if you want someone around for a couple of days, I'd be happy to come help a bit - but feel free to tell me that you'd prefer to be left alone. We'll talk some time before then and see what you're up to.

  2. Oh, no! You have your hands full, too. How is Misterpie's dad doing now? How is Pumpkinpie?

    Thanks for the support - I always know you will be there. I am doing a lot better today. Dh was right, this is for the best. The dogs are at the kennel, Pk will be at her sitters, who she adores and she already has a bed there and everything so in the long run, she will probably be better there than here with mom right now anyway. I just hope mom will deal with this - I would much rather have inconvenience now and have my mother back to herself than to have her here to babysit and her seeming worse and worse.
    Life does seem to love to throw us curve balls!

  3. Would it make you feel better if I told you I had my 2nd one month after moving back to the US from Ireland, we knew no one here, my MIL was supposed to come from MN (6 hr trip) to watch our eldest (age almost 3 at the time), baby decided to come 2 weeks early AND I had her 45 minutes after entering the hospital?! :)

    Since MIL was en-route, and we didn't want Pumpkin in the room while I was giving birth (with no pain meds, I might add! Not that I'm recommending it!!!!), a hospital volunteer actually ended up keeping an eye on Pumpkin (who had a DVD player to watch to keep her occupied) for a little while! So, you know, even in a worst case scenario, things will work out ok! :)

    Sorry to hear about your mom not doing well. Maybe not being able to help you like she wanted will be the impetus for her to go and see her doctor...

    Best of luck! I'll be praying for you!