Dh has been battling terrible depression for almost a year now. I have tried to get him to deal with it but, being the man that he is, his way of "dealing" is to pretend that it isn't happening. I have in a lot of ways been a single parent - he doesn't do much here and wants to sleep all the time. I have felt so alone and yet, when I have tried to get him to admit what is going on and go for help, he just gets angry at me.
Well, it got worse about two weeks ago. He finally "came clean" to me... on top of the depression, he has been drinking at night. Aparently, he is an alcoholic and even though I have been living in the same house with him, I didn't know. He claims he is going to do something about it now and has gone for help but I don't know whether I believe him anymore.
This is a total pity party but I feel like the bottom has fallen out of my world. Dh has been my best friend, my support, my companion on the journey. Over the last year, he has disappeared and the person in his place is detached, inconsistent and at times, angry. The worst part is that I haven't been able to find the words to talk about it with anyone. I need help for ME but I just don't know how to get it. I finally insisted that we call our minister and his wife to come and talk to us on Sunday after a particularly nasty argument (yes, it was a great Mother's Day for me) and they are on board and offering to help and that is great. I just wish I didn't feel so alone and humiliated and scared.
Sarah, I don't have your email to write lots but wanted you to know that I am praying for you both! Hugs!
ReplyDeleteOh Sarah....I'm praying for you!
ReplyDeleteWe all have our struggles in our own lives and our marriages, but this is a particularly heavy one. So glad you called your pastor and his wife so you have some support right there.
Can I recommend the book "The Power of a Praying Wife"?....it has great prayers and scripture in it that you can pray over your husband. (There is also "The Power of a Praying Parent" that is excellent, too).
Praying...praying....praying.
Praying for you sweet sister.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the comment above about "the power of a praying wife". It will change your marriage - no doubt.
Power of a Praying Wife sounds like a must read. I have seen her books before and wondered about them. Thanks for the support, everyone!
ReplyDeleteI think it's great that you have the courage to share this. I know I have a tendancy to feel the need to act like I've got it all together no matter what is happening and it's never easy to admit struggles, especially major ones. I'll be praying for you and your family- for your husband's recovery and that you'll have the support you need too.
ReplyDeleteOh, honey. I'm sorry I only found this now after a crazy week. I don't know what to tell you except that it is good he told you and that he seems to want to get some help for it, or he wouldn't have. and to tell you that if you need anything - ANYTHING - you know I will be there. A shoulder, a few days away, someone to help with Pk while you take some time together, anything.
ReplyDeleteI also know well how damaging the denial is, so I'm glad he seems ready to roll up his sleeves and get help. He's a good man, but I think it's very hard to admit and confront mental health issues, and I think especially men feel like they should be able to just suck it up. I actually know a blogger who went through a major depression and has a book about it coming out that is aimed at guys because he says no one ever talks about male depression, so lots of guys feel alone.
Now I'm getting rambly, but I will email you and see if you still want to get together this weekend, or if it's all just too much right now. Take care, sweetie, and big hugs to you both. You know we love you and wish everything could come better right away, instead of the road that it really is.
Sorry I haven't been by much - my RSS only just picked up your last 21 posts today!
ReplyDeleteIt's good that you two are talking with someone you both trust to help you work with/through this. Best of luck to you both as you try to deal with this together.
((hugs)) My best friend experienced the same thing...her husband was smoking dope though,,,and had great depression...went to detox for about 6 weeks I believe,,,and takes medication now....I'm glad you have shared and let it out girl..Just started to read the posts here.
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