December Daily 18

At 3:30 a.m., I found myself dealing with a screaming baby. I think it's teeth - he wakes up crying, can't be consoled and refuses to latch. Whenever it happens, I want to jump up and down and throw the worst of tantrums. I have been known to cry in my frustration. I was ready to lose my mind and I just started to pray as I rocked. Baby Bean yelled and I just swayed back and forth, talking to God - "I know that compared to a lot of people, I don't have much to complain about. My husband isn't dead and he hasn't left me, I have two beautiful children for which to be thankful and my frustration is that I have to much to do for a wonderful Christmas season full of friends, family and fun. I don't have a right to complain. That being said, though, God, I'd really appreciate a bit of sleep. I'm not asking for much but a few hours of sleep would make so much difference in my outlook. Thank you for all of the wonderful things you have done for us over the last few days, while it has been hard, I have really seen Your presence in the support of our friends, the fact that my car never went off the road in the snow and that Dh was able to have his surgery quickly and at a time during which taking the time to recover is easier than at other times. I am not ungrateful, I promise. Forgive my complaining and feeling sorry for myself. I'd love some sleep if you want to send me some." I gradually felt the fight going out of Baby Bean, first to the point that he just lay starting up into my face and then gradually, his eyes got heavy and then closed until finally, I was able to put his limp body down and pull the duvet up to my chin and doze off myself. It was such a surprise when I woke up and realised that it was 7:30 and we had slept in. It was a very, very nice way to start the day.

Baby Bean continued to support his mommy. I'm a "shower in the morning" girl. If I don't get that morning shower, I can't seem to start my day. Usually, Dh takes Baby Bean so that I can shower but since he can't lift him, that won't work for a while. With some trepidation, I put Baby Bean in his Fisher Price chair (yes, I am a failure as an AP mom) and again, he rose to the occasion. Not only did he entertain himself trying to eat his Sophie giraffe while I showered, he hung in until I was done drying my hair. Again, a little thing that changed my outlook completely.

It ended up being a good day. Dh was feeling slightly better and he was up and about a bit and even helped me get Pk's treats bagged up for daycare on Friday. He is very sore but we could both see today that he was beginning the healing process. One time, about 11 years ago, he had a "cardiac event" when he got a virus in the membrane around his heart. For a few weeks, I would worry when he was asleep that his heart had stopped. I was really nervous. This time, I just don't feel like I have to be afraid. It's really reassuring.

And now, for my big accomplishment of the day. I had been really worried about how I would get the tree up. I have never used a saw and I am not the strongest individual. Dh always does stuff like that. This morning, I decided to bite the bullet and see what I could do. I got the saw and bravely went out into the frigid garage. Once I got started, it wasn't too bad! My arm got tired but I got the job done. I got the tree dragged into the house (with an igloo's worth of snow) and actually got it screwed into the stand. If I do say so myself, it looks pretty good!

This evening, I put the lights and our red wooden beads (which I love!) on it. I also added our star. Tomorrow, I am going to get Pk to help me to put the decorations on. We don't go for the decorator look in our tree - I like it to be simple and basic and each ornament means something to me. Many have been gifts and some are momentos of special times in our lives. Decorating the tree is like walking through our lives together. I love it.
The other big job was getting treats ready for Pk's daycare party on Friday. There are two sitters who work together so I did name cookies for each child in each daycare. Pk stamped candy canes and Dh made labels and we got them all bagged up. It was a real relief to have it ready to go.


Off to bed - here's hoping that we get more sleep tonight! Good night to you!